Yoko Ono Appointed Spokesperson for New Chemical Castration Drug
NEW YORK — Yoko Ono has been appointed spokesperson for a new chemical castration drug, tentatively called "Chop-Chop." It has just been approved by the FDA after a lengthy delay. It seems laboratory rats wanted nothing to do with her because she was always in the way during recording sessions.
"Let me tell you," said Ms. Ono, speaking from her Chalet in Switzerland. "I know a thing or two about robbing males of their manhood. We considered calling the drug, "Balls-Be-Gone,' but that's the beauty of this drug. It leaves you with your balls intact.
That's why I was approached in the first place. With my help, we get in there and totally screw things around " from the INSIDE! In essence, you're firing blanks. We just wish that OTHER asshole had been firing blanks.
"I was a mere novice when I castrated John. If he were here now, he'd still have his balls. Lucky for me, I still have his millions. By the way, I'm still selling lithographs of his pathetic doodles for five thousand bucks a shot. Just call my office and place your order today. It's in the interest of world peace...John would have wanted it that way.
"Potential side-effects are minimal, at best (and I don't mean Pete), but watch out for the following symptoms:
- Any surviving Beatles may tend to hate your guts
- Your first-born son may start up a web site and accuse you of being a "Lost Soul'
- Uncontrollable urge to purchase John Lennon paraphernalia, including, but not limited to: CD's, books, posters, etc. (all sales are final and all profits go to Yoko Ono Enterprises, Inc.)
"So, what are you waiting for? Now, you can have casual sex with glorified groupies, such as myself, without fear of consequences or messy entanglements. Oh, and did I mention I still have John Lennon lithographs for sale? Peace."
