BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. FEBRUARY 9, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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GoDaddy Super Bowl Ad a Big Bust
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Bush Diary - I Want the GoDaddy Girl; Texas Rangers Did Do Steroids
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Bush Diary - I Want the GoDaddy Girl; Texas Rangers Did Do Steroids

Dear Jernal,
The Democraps who booed me at the State of the Union speech will be detained! What do they mean by boo? Whoever voted them in shouldn't be allowed to vote. And those Republicans who gave me the finger are getting it: seats near the liberals! In my speech, I addressed the doomed Social Security program. It is doomed because I am focusing on it! How dare Roseavelt's grandson critisize me for using Roseavelt's name to promote priviatizing Social Security. His granddaddy would have wanted to have pursonal accounts, not the current system. What loser created the stupid program, anyway?

So the Patriots won the Super Bowl. They won because God was on there side, and it means he supports the Patriot Act! But who was the big girl in the GoDaddy ad? Hubba, hubba, hubba! Don't tell Laura, but I'd like to meet her! I'm a daddy!

Hey, did you know that when we ran an elecshun in Vietnam during the war, they had an 83% voter turnout? That's more than Eye-rack! Take that, anti-war protestors!

I'm not sure how to spell the name of my new Educashon Secretary, Margaret Spelings. Although she was never a teacher, principle or anything like that, I am sure she will suppress teechers' unions. Only problum is she lerned at a public school where they teech evolooshon, but she will make sure that children can reed my favorite book, which I'm still trying to finish. We must keep asking ourselves: Is our children lerning? Rummy is lerning! He is avoiding Germany over consern that he will face war crime charges. Hey, can you blamed him? Those Krauts would do it! Anyway, Condo Llizard assuered the European nations to "come back baby. We would only lie to you a few times, but no more. We are a changed empire, honest!"

Tony Blair kisses Guardian reporterDid you see the photo of Tony Blaire kissing a black woman? Even worse, she was a reporter for the ultra-liberal Guardian newspaper! Eew, what was he thinking?

Jose Consteakos' said I must have bean aware that the Texas Rangers were using steroids when I owned the team. Well, I admit it, I did know, because when the players took showers, I knew that the cold water did not cause the shrinkage!

I am cutting funding for the Hubble telescoop. We cannot have those astrologists find out that stars light comes from millions of light years away when the universe was created six thousand years ago. It doesn't make any sense for scientists to pursue their worthless God-hating mission! Instead, we will set sights to the moon. Boldly going where no man has gone before! As for the telescoop, you know you can't spell Hubble without trubble. What if it left earth's orbit and fell to earth? After all, gravity is only a theory.


P.S. Who could have imagined it could happen to SpongeBob GayPants? I mean, Patrick is my intellectual idol, and to see him as SpongeBob's boyfriend is unexaptable and kind of icky-gross. Next thing you know Big Bird will be doing Ms. Piggy, and then animals will start marrying those of different species, and we all know where that will lead!

The Bush Diary was obtained by KDANTEATER

Read these related stories:

Bush Diary - Cabinut Members Scat; U-Crane Poisoning (15-Dec-04)

Bush Diary - Ecanomic Summet, My Chrissmas Video (22-Dec-04)

Bush Diary " Playing Hyde and Seek; Rummy Visits Troops (29-Dec-04)

Bush Diary — The Soonami; My New Year's Rezolushon (5-Jan-05)

Bush Diary - Paying Stretch Armstrong: Barbara Boxer Body Blow (12-Jan-05)

Bush Diary " What, No WMDs?; I'm Abducted by Aliens (19-Jan-05)

Bush Diary - Eggnogurashon; Condolizard Confirmashun (26-Jan-05)

Bush Diary - Who Do I Attack Next? (2-Feb-05)

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