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Larry Summers Says Jews Can’t Farm
CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts — Bowing to pressure from an irate faculty, Harvard President Larry Summers released a transcript of the controversial speech he made at a conference on “Diversifying the in Science and Engineering Workplace.” In the transcript, Summers compared the low number of women in the sciences to the low numbers of Catholics in investment banking, whites in the NBA, and Jews in farming.
Kibbutz farmers at an Israeli settlement in the West Bank violently protested Summers’ remarks. “Summers is the worst kind of Jew, a self-loathing, Jew-hating Nazi,” said Moshe Rosencrantz. “I can farm this rocky soil, even with an AK-47 strapped to my back. Summers is a dead man.”
The Pope miraculously got up from his sick bed and walked when he heard about the transcript. “I’ll **** that son-of-a bitch,” he said, using a Polish expletive for the act of procreation, which is only to be performed within a marriage, and even then should not be enjoyed. “I’ll excommunicate the lying Jew-bastard Christ-killer.”
