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Britney Spears' Diary - Kevin Got Another Backup Singer Pregnant!
It is totally amazing! The baby inside me is growing rapidly, and I am growing rapidly too! The upside of all the bloating is that my boobs keep growing daily! Awesome! Guess I didn't need the last four boob jobs, "cause now I'm humongous! Is there such a thing as too big? I don't think so! At least now I have an excuse to eat all I want and get totally fat.
I got this cool idea for a new album to follow Toxic. It would be called Whore and the music video would star me with my tits falling out as I'm being gang banged by ten guys while I sing these really sexy lyrics and my hair blows in the wind. It would all be done very tastefully. I called my agent who said the idea was really stupid, so I fired him and called the record company directly, but they refused to take my call. They said something about my record sales being toxic.
My friend said that if the record company won't release another album, I should try to do something else. How about acting! Maybe TV first, then a movie! Hey, maybe I could ask Kirstie Alley if I could appear on an episode of Fat Actress? Next to her I'd look really thin! That is, if we tape it in the next few weeks. Otherwise I might block her out of the screen!
Can you believe that Kevin got another backup singer pregnant!? Why can't he keep his thingy in his pants, or at least in me? Guess I'll have to pay another one off. These backup singers are getting expensive!
Well, dear diary, at least I am still way up there on the list of the most popular web searches. That is so cool! All those little girls wanting to be like me, and all those guys jerking off on me! Now how can I make some money out of all this? I'll have to study how Paris did it. I know, I'll do a sex video and "accidentally" release it on the web, getting royalties like she does. Now, who will I use as my sex partner? I guess I will have to show Kevin's face but, given his total lack of interest in me lately, I may need a stunt-man for the money shot.
Well, I'm feeling hungry again, so I better go eat. After all, I'm eating for two! Two big breasts!
Britney Spears' Diary was obtained by Emma Dubin. Graphics by Mike Pasternack.