BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. MAY 11, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Bush Diary - I Visit the Ball-Ticklers; I Drive RasPutin's Stupid Car

Dear Jernal,
I went to the Ball-ticks this week and made a speech which Condo Lizard rote for me. She is a Russian speshialsit so she knows all about the Ruskies. So I spoke that the Ruskies should not have occupied the Ball-ticks and that President Roseavelt was a traitor for agreeing to this at sum place called Y'allta. I don't have a clue about the meaning of what I said, but the neo-cons liked it and so did the Ball-ticklers!

All I can say about Roseavelt is that he got Social Security wrong too!

Sum peeple told me that my speech would make the Ruskies angry, especially RasPutin, so I was a bit nervus when I met up with him in Moscoe. But he was OK. He took me to his ranch, which was pathetic "˜cause he has no cattle, and he let me drive his car. I tried not to laugh but his Russian car looks so old fashioned compared to our American cars! Heehee! Hear I am driving his stupid car. As u can see, our pursonal relashonship is close, and we are both on the same wavelength.

I had 'fruitful discushons' with RasPutin. That is diplo-talk for our conversashon sucked! But we agreed the war on terror is number one. He can do whatever he wants in Chech-na-na and we will do what we want in Eye-rack. Hot doggie, good deal! Hear I am having a fruitful exchange with RasPutin.

Coffee Anon spoke this week of reducing nucular weapons all over the world. I hope he did not mean us! We need the nucular opshon. The American peeple feel safer in their beds evry night knowing that I, and not sum skirt-chaser like Bill Clinton, has my finger on the button! Unlike him, I will use it!

A Republican - who is a therefore a good man - named Arthur Frankenstein has started a stop-Hillary campane. He even has an anti-Hillary website! Yeah! Hillary Clinton has radical ideas, like that a woman should be President! But it is the Jebster's turn to rule! He keeps calling me, crying like a baby, he is so wurried about her beating him. Just as well nobody knows this but me and you, dear dieree!


P.S. Dennis the Menace Coosinich wants to start a Department of Peace. We alreddy got one of those, it is the Department of War. He may have co-sponsors, but I have Speedy Gonzales ready to shoot it down! Promoting Civil Rights? I have news for you. The King is no longer around and we have a democracy, not a monarchy! Well, it is time to take my orders "¦ I mean, receive my briefing "¦ from Chainsaw, so that's all for now.

The Bush Diary was obtained by Julio Cesar and KDANTEATER.

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