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Bush Diary - Star Wars is All About Me; the Dark Side is a Metaphor for Oil!
Dear Jernal,
The new Star Wars movie came out, and Laura says it is all about me! She thinks I look like Yoga, but that is unpossible. I am not a freaking Buddist! And how could peeple think that I rally a country behind a false war? Now the Sith reminded me a lot of Rover, and Dictator Chainsaw is obviously Darth Vader. I still cannot tell who I am. The closest I can tell is that I am Jar Jar, but he is not on the dark side. I assume the dark side is a metaphor for the greatness of oil. Why those on the light side want solar power is hard to say, but I thank George Lookas for discrediting them.
Can you beleeve that the South Coreans, who are supposed to be our buddies, are doing cloning and stem cell reserch!? What is worse, they are using stem cells to create more Coreans! They may produce a race of superheros and take us over! That is not God’s plan. Jesus says, “It is better to pass the first clone than for the eye of Newt to go to the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Now do not get me rong. I am a strong supporta of stem cell reserch - just not with stem cells! That is why I made my thret this weak to use my veto if the Democraps and Moderate Repugnants pass a law increesing Federal funding of stem cell reserch. We must not use any more taxpayer munny to destroy life in order to save life - I’m doing enough of that already in Eye-rack!
Insidentlly, did you know that I have never exercised my veto? I exercise my body regular-like. I was riding my bike in Maryland again this weak. I make sum pocket munny their with a newspaper root I stole from a little kid. Chainsaw gives me a very small allowunce, so I need the extra munny to by candy and toys. Also, I exercise my Red Rocket regularly! Laura says it would be better to have 20-minute sex three times a weak instead of 2-minute sex 7 days a weak, but I say nuts to that. So it’s lights out and “bombs bursting in air” every nite at 8:58 p.m.!
Geezes pleezes! Did you see the huge bulge in Saddam’s briefs in that photo of him? And hear I thought he was always going to war because he was trying to compensate for sumthing. I hope peeple never see the size of my doo-dad, or the shrinkologists will jump at stupid conclushons.
There is an evolushon debate in Cansas, and I do not know what the fuss is about. I mean, do I look like a monkey? In accordance with creashonizm, we are taking the fossil fuel that God put there without using dinosors or dead trees and, when the oil runs out, we will start a nucular war, leaving our bodies as fossil fuel for future CEOs. And the cycle of profit continues! Why don't the Democreeps get that we need to think of future CEOs? It is a sacrifice I and true beleevers in the all Holy Dollar are willing to make!
George
P.S. I see that the Rolling Stones are still pre-forming. God sure screwed up when he created them 1,000 years ago and gave them the name of the first wheel. I say that they should give way to great new music like that of my supportas Britany Speers, Toby Keeth and Jessica (Hubba! Hubba!) Simpson. Stone songs like "Satisfaction" and "Sympathy for the Devil" promote a liberal, God-hating agenda. All the Stoners would be better off putting there ticket munny into private accounts. They’ll be needing it!
The Bush Diary was obtained by KDANTEATER. Julio Cesar translated some of the writing.
