BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JUNE 8, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Tom Cruise: "I Have Sex All Over My Holmes"
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Nixon Felt it Was Felt
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The Return of Captain Flame: Bill Gates
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Comics We'd Like to See: Willie "˜n Ethel Making Love
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Amphibo and Hugo
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Bush Diary - I Always Thought Deep Throat Was Robert Redford

Bush Dairy
Dear Jernal,
Deep Throat? That guy Felt looks more like Deep Idiot, if you ask me. He's as senile as Reagan! I don't have much to say about Felt, except I think he is a Democrap and Jewish. He is touchy and feely, that's why he is named after felt. Wissell blowers are the biggest liars and cheeters in the world. They want make the US look like crooks in the eyes of the world. You should not lissen to them!

Nixon was a good man, except he set up the EPA and signed the Clean Air Act and the Clean Water Act. That was bad. But he did open up China so they can export textiles and toys and everything else that can be manufactured, thereby driving down wages in the US forever. That is good for Republicans! And now China will pay a lot for oil, so the oil price keeps rising. That is good for Republican's, too, unless they forgot to buy oil stocks like I told them to! So we have a lot to thank Tricky Dicky for. Insidentally, I here that Nixon got that name because his dicky was tricky, namely it didn't wurk, just like Bob Doal's thingy is a wet noodle. It is a pity for Nixon that they didn't have Viagora then. If they had, he might not have had to bomb Kambodia!

Say, did you see who was with Felt when he the reporters took his photo? Jane Fonda! That proves he is a traitor!

Ya know, I always thought Deep Throat was Robert Redford from that movie, Oil The President's Men. Anyway, Whitewatergate never happened. Those tapes were forged, like my war record.

And speeking of Viagora, I still can't get that photo of Saddam with the huge bulge in his briefs out of my mind. (Does that mean I'm gay, or do I just have manly p-word envy?)

I hate environ-MENTAL-ists! They are mental. What do they mean erban sprawl is bad? It is good for votes, except in the Northeast and West. Those pictures on AOL of erban devostation of forests are fake, like the photos of Abu Grab. The truth is that God's plan is for erban sprawl. Mother Nature is a myth! The Urth is not alive. Terri Schavio is alive, but not the Urth. I drive a 425 horsepower "˜70 Impala. Screw the air, I enjoy gunning the accelerator and driving it at 100 miles per hour. My 40 calibur Glock assures me that no one will ever take that right away! If you try, you'll get some Texas-type justice on your butt!

The Demoflops' propagander agenda is in full swing. Walter Jones says that the war in Eye-rack was non-justified. And this is the man who wanted freedome fries in his cafeteria. Liberty cabbage hater! The war was too justified! By God himself, who spoke through me! Jones is a flap flopper! I say that we should send him to France and see how he likes eating the fries they're! Boycott French fries, their maine export. That'll show 'em!


P.S. Everybody come on down to the Bagdad Round-Up! We are roping insergants left and right. Woo-ee! Some Sunnys are complaining that they are being targutted. They will be until we get the terroristz! Not the ones in Oz-beckistan or Sue-Dan. The ones in Eye-rack!

The Bush Diary was obtained by KDANTEATER. Some of the writing was translated by Julio Cesar.

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