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Bush Diary - Bill Frist is an Evil Alien Bent on Wurld Dominashon
Dear Jernal,
I am glad to see that the Sennut approved a bill shielding gun makers from lawsuits. Peeple don’t need protection, guns do!
Uh oh, the jig is being danced! We Republicans had a platform in 2000 that said, "Sending our military on vague, aimless, and endless missions rapidly saps morale. Even the highest morale is eventually undermined by back-to-back deployments, poor pay, shortages of spare parts and equipment, inadequate training, and rapidly declining readiness." Boy was that a whopper!
Bill First is a big flip flopper! First he is against stem cell reserch, then he is for it! Let's just say that Bill will be having a little accident. Then, I will put out an ad. I think I will hire the Swift Boat Veterans for Trooth, who have changed their name to the Senile Surgeons for Stem Cells. Here's how it will go. They sent this transcript to me over the Internets:
Do you think Bill Frist is a real doctor? That's not what they people who know him best say:
"I know Bill Frist, and he is an evil alien bent on world domination. I have seen his exoskeleton." … "Bill Frist bought his medical degree and bribed someone to let him practice." … "I was Bill Frist's nurse, and he pulled me aside and said let's make our own stem cells. And I am a guy! That's sexual harassment." … "I operated with Bill Frist, and he ate the raw hearts of those he operated on. He thought their hearts would give him superpowers." … "I worked with Dr. Frist for ten years, and he assassinated JFK, Julius Caesar, and Jesus Christ."
Bill Frist, a candidate who can't cure what ails America.
I like that ad! Better than anything MoveOn.org or the ACLU ever made. Frist Amendment rights, my dog, they are out to turn America into a communist monarchy. I believe it is my right to ignore there list of greevences and make my own rules. That is why I am overhawling the Congress and appointing Lightning Bolt myself. He will make a grate UN Embarrasser. The Democraps are just jealous that he screams more than Howie Dean. And as for Bill Frist, I have a message for him:
Speaking of pro-life, how is the famine in Niger pro-life? Sure peeple are starving, but are they Terry Schiavo? Novo. I have my priorities. I cannot save everyone. So I made a priority list: stem cells, brain dead women in key battleground states, my daughters from the draft, and corporations are on the top of the list, and on the bottom are Ozbeckistani protestors, union workers, poor farmers, gays, and starving Africans. It is all about priorities, peeple.
SHAFTA passed by just two votes! Please, do not demand a recount, you vile vote counters! Anyway, this will be great for businesses who are looking for cheap labor overseas. And what is the ALF-CIO going to do? Nothing! They are breaking up faster than Bennifer. Outsourcing is good for America because more desperate immigrants come over to work for cheap, and the corporations win. It's the American way!
Wow, the Brits really know how to catch them terroristz. I wonder where Ben Lennon is. Oh well, I can worry about him later. Right now I need to worry about the new energy bill and billding new nucular plants. Sure the terroristz's mouths water when they hear we are going to build new nucular plants, but we can't let the terroristz change the lobbyist’s way of life. If we do not give the oil, gas and nuclear companies everything they want, then the terroristz win. I bet the terroristz want us to be energy independent, like that Kerry fella. Hey, I can be against evolushon and use feuls made from prehistoric plants, I mean, from God. Anyway, only seventy percent of oil consumed in America comes from cars. How dare the Democreeps make gas mileage an issue!
Screw Daniel In-The-Way (D-HW). How dare this veteran who lost an arm in battle say that I am not treating the troops well. And on the Democrappy Radio address! Luckily peeple avoid that station like the plaque. Still, I say we should cut his health benefits and see how he likes it! I am visiting the troops in the hospital when I get my fysical. Isn't that enough? What more can a President do for his troops?
George
P.S. Funny story. Our 2000 Platform also said something about leaking CIA stuff. "A Republican administration, working with the Congress, will respect the needs and quiet sacrifices of these public servants as it strengthens America’s intelligence and counter-intelligence capabilities and reorients them toward the dangers of the future." Guess what? That was written by Rove and Novak! What a great snow job!
