BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. SEPTEMBER 7, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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How Dare President Bush Still Exist When New Orleans Doesn't
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Bush Diary - Jesus Fed the Multitude; Let Him Deliver the Food to New Oar-lands

hurricane relief Bush Dairy
Dear Jernal,
New Oar-lands is under water and I need to build No-ar's Arc. God e-mailed me (his e-mail address is in case you need to contact him) and told me that I was the chosen one. I will have some Third World labor build me an arc, but I am sure that God won't mind if I BBQ some of the endanged species. Mmmm, Bald e-gal kababs! God is punishing New Oar-lands for some reeson, like he did with Saddam and Gamora. Maybe it was the wild parties, or becaws they voted for Kerry-boo. Well, if Ben Lennon was hiding in New Oar-lands, he was flooded out. Even God is on the hunt for Ben Lennon! Well, for those of you on the rooftops, use your laptop to sign on to and good luck!

So in 2004 I gave Lake New Oar-lands 20% of wut it needed for Lake Point-cart-reign, now called Lake New-Oar-lands. In 2003, hurrycane activity was increasing. The money could have been used to build pumping stations, and bill-ding levies. They said if I had lissened to them, the damage would have been less bad. The despicable cowardly liberals continue to pray for American deaths so they can twist the blame to me, the President. They wonder why Americans hate them! Instead, I am using the money in Eye-Rack. The peeple of Lake New Oar-lands can't complane. They are helping to fight terrorizm abroad. Thank you for your nobel sacrafice. Don't worry. We will rebuild the infustructure, just like we did in I-Rock. Don't worry, hype is on the way. We're making progress, and a lot of peeple is wurking hard!

The House Speeker and my strong supporter, Dennis Has-skirt, sayed that we should not rebuild New Oar-lands, and sayed we should bring out the bulldozers. He also suggested we should bulldoze Los Angeles and San Fransisco. I like that plan! We can get rid of the Hollywood liberals and the gay heathens all at once! New Oar-lands should not be bulldozed, that is a horrible thing to say. I say we build lake-side condos. Don't just ignore a golden business opportunity. Like when the soo-nammy hit, hotel owners were happy to take the land for the good of the natives. Where would they be without us building over their homes? God bless Has-skirt!

And hurrycane looters, I have a zero telerance for ya. I mean, trying to feed and cloth your childrens? For shame! However, there are sum evil do-ers steeling TVs and jew-el-rye, and this is rong! I think both parties can agree on that, but I still say it's the Kerry voters who are doing all the steeling. However, the looters who are armed have a right to bear arms, according to the second amendment. Shoot away boys, enjoy your freedumbs!

Don't Delay is my good friend! He said that he does not see the racial divide in the Hurrycane aftermath. It's easy to see. Just divide the city into rich and pour, and walla, instant Hurrycane victums! I mean, we are compassionate to them right now. Isn't that enough? Who said we had to be kind to the poor all the time? Certainly not Jesus or God. I mean, Jesus did say, "give them something to eat," and he fed a huge crowd of pour peeple. But I am not Jesus, so we will just wait for Jesus to deliver the food to New Oar-lands. That should wurk! The meek can inherit New Oar-lands as far as I'm concerned. Those poor people just gotta pull themselves up from their shoe-traps.


P.S. Oils prices are rising faster than flood water is rising becaws of Katrina. Even in Atlanta and Shicargo, cities that relay on New Oar-lands for their black gold. Now don't panic, we will get oil for you. Now sure, anybody could invest in biodesiel or hydro cars (hydro cars would be great for New Oar-lands, just saying!) but I will invest in those who give me the most money, not the brightest ideas. Those scientists are probably brewing meth, coming up with these silly ideas.

The Bush Diary was obtained by KDANTEATER. Mike Pasternack found the photo sandwiched between the pages.

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