BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. DECEMBER 28, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Bush Diary - Moonshine is Christmas Spirit!

Dear Jernal,
Merry Christmas, Christians! Everyone else, have a nice day. And a Happy New Eavesdropping to all my fellow citizens! That's right, it is time to spy on your friends this year. Your Fox News "Free-dumb Ornament" can be used as a camera to spy on your relatives. It is a great gift for any true patriotic. FBI agents are standing by to find terrorists and members of Greenpeace.

Yes, I did say "˜Happy Holidays' at the end of my speech. It was the slip of a tongue. I am never going to live this one down. Like that time I fell off a Segway, or that time I dropped Barney in front of the little league team. Actually, the kids faces were kinda funny! Even Bill O'Really says it's okay to say Happy Holidays now. More like Crappy Holidays if you can't even say "˜Merry Christmas.' I will be back, but right now I am going to soak my sorrows in strawberry Jello.

Here is my White House Christmas card for this year:

The White House is full of Christmas spirit. Yes, we're drinking some good ol' moonshine sent to me by one of the moonshiners I pardoned. Cheney's belly is shaking like a bowl full of jelly. Rover is spreading rumors via Christmas cards. Jeff Gannon's stockings are hung by the chimney with care; just don't wear any of your gay apparel, Jeff. Condolizard is celebrating Christmas and not the Kwanzoo, which is for blacks who don't aspire to be white. They will go straight to Hell, along with Catholics, Jews and Muzzle-ims. Sorry, Pope, there'll be no Christmas spirit for you in the afterlife.

Rummy is busy this Christmas visiting the troopers in I-Rock. I heard that I-Rock might become the next I-Ran. They are already running for democracy! This is going better than I expected!

This soldier shows the Christmas spirit in I-Rock!

Frist says we can do more with less, just like with our veterans' benefits.


P.S. Well, I am not all bad. I said you should take this time of year to help your neighbors out, and help those in need. That is a good message, right? Oh, sorry we cut your health care, food stamps, and education. I swear, Cheney did that, not me. But you are not my neighbors, so who cares? Bah hum-Buick.

The Bush Diary was obtained by KDANTEATER. The White House Christmas card was received by Simeon Namore.

Read these related stories:

Bush Diary - We Will Not Lose the War on Christmas in I-Rock (21-Dec-05)

Bush Diary - Earth to Will Ferrell: I Am Not Scared of Pop-Up Books (30-Nov-05)

Bush Diary - Happy Vet-erands Day: It's Mourning In America (16-Nov-05)

Bush Diary - Play Bushoploy: Spaces for Gay Hide, Global Warmup, Go Straight to Torture (9-Nov-05)

Bush Diary - My Presidency is Miered; I Am Going Insane in the Plame Game (2-Nov-05)

Bush Diary - Why is Steven Coldbear Trusted More Than Bill O'Really? (26-Oct-05)

Bush Diary - Dubya is Just a Four Letter Word (5-Oct-05)

Bush Diary - Jesus Fed the Multitude; Let Him Deliver the Food to New Oar-lands (7-Sep-05)

Bush Diary - I Wish Hurrycane Kat Would Take Out C. She-Man (31-Aug-05)

Bush Diary - Bill Frist is an Evil Alien Bent on Wurld Dominashon (3-Aug-05)

Bush Diary - Welcome to Mr. Robert's Neighborhood (27-Jul-05)

Bush Diary - Rover is a Good Man. A Bad Leeker, But a Good Man. (20-Jul-05)

Bush Diary - Appointing Lighting Bolt in My Recess Break, Before My Nap (29-Jun-05)

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