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Angelina Jolie’s Lips Are Pregnant
LOS ANGELES — The world of obstetrical medicine has been thrown into a tizzy upon learning of the ultrasound results for one Angelina Jolie, now in her first trimester of a pregnancy, featuring slabs of giant oblong, red tissue floating in a uterine sac.
Known preliminarily as Smooch and Hooch, the embryonic lip-like fetuses, were observed by University of Southern California reproductive medicine specialists to pucker intermittently as they swam within the amniotic fluid of the woman who heretofore focused on adopting and intercoursing, not conceiving.
History was made again when a 3-D reproduction of Smooch revealed the lip blastocyst administering oral sex to a placenta. This was believed to be the first sexual act caught during fetal development, but according to scientists at USC, was consistent with a genetic endowment directing same pre-individual to wrap itself around biological objects and swallow discharges. Let me cut through the medical jargon proclaimed Dr. Want Sum Tale, "These large red fetuses are inherently skilled at blow jobs."
The second mass of DNA was visualized during same Reproductive Medicine Imaging session attempting to mount an ultrasound probe. Sound wave transmission from this curvaceous tissue was translated by Reproductive Medicine Ultrasound directors as "Pay me now or pay me when you see my upcoming movie, Mr. and Mrs. Fellatio."
