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Bush Diary - My Passage to India Was Cleaned Out By Diarrhea

Dear Jernal,
I had a grate visit to India, which is a big country full of little, dark-skinned peeple. Sum of them wear towels on there heads, but they are not the bad towelheads who are roadside bombing us in I-Rack. The bad ones are Muzzle-ems, these good ones are Hondas. They like being peeceful. There hero is My-hat-my-Grandad, who was thin and sat on a bed of nails until the British pulled out of India. And there new hero is me! When they herd I was cuming they got so excited they rioted in the streets! Tens of thousands of them came out into the street in Lucknow, the capital of Utter Rubbish, shouting my name and bearing the traditional Indian gifts of welcome "“ guns, sticks and firebombs. They also called me the "Number One Killer," so they understand that killer is a cool expression in the rap world my daughters are so wrapped up in. Remember that speech of Jack Kennedy's they always show clips of, where he is in Germany to tear down that wall, and he says "˜Ick been a Berliner.' Well, I couldn't wait to get to Lucknow, the capital of Utter Rubbish, and say, "˜I'm in Lucknow,' but unfortunately it was not on my schedule.

Did you know that India is a nucular power? I didn't. But I sined an agreement letting the Injuns keep there nukes. The more nukes we and our friends have the better, I say. I am a strategery President and India is our strategery partner.

The liberal eleetists are always whining about American jobs being outsourced to India. Now I say that we should not be afraid of outsourcing jobs. Peeple who lose jobs "“ the working poor "“ don't vote for me anyway. The people who make more money from outsourcing "“ the big corporations and Wall Street firms "“ they do!

So we should not fear India with its billions and billions of cheap, little, dark-skinned people. No, we should focus on the fact that there are 300 million middle class people in India. They have money to buy things. Now if we could only figure out how to make something they like, we could sell it to them. Of course, we'd have to outsource the manufacturing to China or somewhere. But the US CEOs who think up the new product will get stock opshons. That's globalization, and the cycle of profit continues!

The only mistake I made in the whole trip was when I mispake and said that Packistan was an Arab country. Apparently it is Muzzle-em but not Arab. What the f**k is the difference? I don't know! But the Packis are our allies in the war on terror so, as long as they keep on hunting Been Laid-on, they can be whatever they want to be as far as I'm conserned.


P.S. Boy I had sum spicy meatballs in India! The food is real hot, like TexMex, except that you get the sh*ts even worse.

The Bush Diary was obtained by Julio Cesar, in homage to KDANTEATER

Read these related stories:

Bush Diary - I Visit the Ball-Ticklers; I Drive RasPutin's Stupid Car (11-May-05)

Bush's Africa Photo Album (16-Jul-03)

My Nazi Photo Gallery, by George Bush (7-Jul-04)

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