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Hillary Would Rather the Mob Ran U.S. Ports
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Cheney Promises to Go Ballistic on Iran
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New World Order: Milosevic Dead, Hussein Sick, Bin Laden on Life Support
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Cheney Was at the Grassy Knoll in 1963; Tried to Suicide But Shot JFK
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Howard Stern Runs Afoul of Alien Bureaucrats
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ACLU Says Breakfast is the Most Racist Meal of the Day
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Bush Speak
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British Airways Blocks Access to Bongo News
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The Incredible Hulk: George Bush
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New World Order: Milosevic Dead, Hussein Sick, Bin Laden on Life Support

"All those despots are super ill or dead," said Illuminati Conspiracy Archive spokesperson, Carlyle J. Merry Whatever.

The New World Order mouthpiece added, "Milosevic just bought the farm all right. Dead man not walking situation. He was just reaching into his back pocket to get me his Swiss bank account number when bingo, the ticker stopped. Complete death situation right there. No breathing, whatsoever, I tell you, and I instantly brought in a Serbian doctor to pronounce him. Big doctor. Really big doctor. I mean the guy had to be 300 pounds soaking wet.

"So we transferred his dead body to that cemetery in Argentina. Oh yeah. He always wanted to be buried in Argentina. Most Serbs just love Argentina. Right nearby. Perfect. Really solemn cemetery, let me tell you. Has saunas, casinos, lots of virgins ... real morbid country club, I mean cemetery. "C" words confuse me. Oh boy. last rights to Milosevic ... comin' right up. R.I.P. right next to the tennis courts.

"Hey, did you hear? Saddam Hussein's real sick. Almost choked on a Dorito. Major sickness going on there. He should be dead right after that 2008 election. Oh yeah. Those Doritos kill you slow. Temperature goin' up, blood pressure's like sky high. Yikes. Anybody order a dictator's death? Start that clock to body shut down!

"Speaking of body shut down. Bin Laden's on life support!!! You didn't hear about it? They're wheeling that sucker around Pakistan on a combination respirator/dialysis machine. Somebody call Rumsfeld. The Bin man's in a coma!!! Can't find him though in those mountains. I mean they got a bunch of those portable ICU beds crashing through that dangerous terrain. One of them got loose last week. Crashed into a towel head herding sheep and now they got two dozen sheep on life support along with a towel head squished into an Islamabad crevice. Anyway, Binny's all but dead. Mark that billionaire down for dead sometime in the next 10 to 20 years, depending on the terror war situation. I mean start saying Kaddish now, for Christ's sake. Dead is dead. And just about dead is pretty much dead. Okay?

"Now then there's Yasser and Ariel. Whisked away to dead land I tell you. Yasser is so dead, he can't even remember how many millions he left in that sacked marked "Carlyle Group." The "A" Man? Really advanced coma. Should be dead any minute. Okay, so maybe it says in this note near his hospital luggage:'Kosher Meals Only when he dies and gets shipped to that Dead Place where they have the parties and all the dead world leaders are laughing so hard.' What, I'm perfect? Dead is a terrible thing, remember?"

Van Gross, MD

Read these related stories:

Saddam Hussein Shares A Light Moment With One Of His Aides (14-Aug-02)

Saddam Hussein Upset: "This Isn't Torture." (11-Jan-06)

Saddam is Writing Books to Urge Children Not to Become Dictators (21-Dec-05)

New Bin Laden Tape Rejected by Sony Records (25-Jan-06)

Osama bin Laden = Do a Lesbian, Man (9-Nov-05)

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