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Anderson Cooper and Dick Cheney to Star in a Gay Sitcom
Dick Cheney (DC): "That gaysexual walks in the room and I'm headin' the other way." Anderson Cooper (AC): "Same goes double for me Pops, particularly if you're locked and loaded."
This kind of opprobrious banter sparks Episode #1 of the brand new CNN sitcom cleverly titled AC-DC 180, starring graying newsman, Anderson Cooper, as "Mr. Phyllis" and graying Vice President, Dick Cheney, as "Mr. Rrrrrrrrrrr."
“We're like the Patty Duke Show twins, with a twist,” said Mr. Cooper. “I'm homophilic, hence the name Mr. Phyllis, though I also love chic costumes of Philistines. He's a Lion in Winter, or a Lyin' SOB, I'm not sure which.”
In the first episode, Mr. Rrrrrrrrrrrr replaces Mr. Phyllis at the desk of his CNN news program, but no one notices until ex-VP, Dan Quayle, is confronted by machine gun fire from the present Second in Command. Quayle, spokesperson for the educational charity, A Mined is a Terrible Thing to Spell, escapes unharmed. Instead, the CNN Legal Division suffers gunshot wounds to the pericardium.
"Fry liberal wordsmiths,” says Cheney. “Where's Turner? And get me Hanoi Jane, I need to slap her around.” A shoot out ensues, filled with hilarious shrapnel injuries and cameramen ducking for cover between Paula Zahn's legs.
Laughter meets riotous hysteria as Anderson Cooper slips into the White House hidden inside Representative Cynthia McKinney's bra.
"It got a tad hot in there, particularly when that Security Guard started feeling her up and robbing me of needed breathing room," the savvy broadcaster says.
Upon arrival inside the Oval Office for a Black-White Meeting of Racial Harmony, Anderson Cooper pops out in front of President George W. Bush.
Shocked, the President screams out, "Dick, if I told you once, I told you a thousand times, if you want to mess with a hootchie mamma, stick with Condi, or take up lacrosse at John Wayne University, for Christ's sake."
Further shocking Dubya by revealing he is in fact, Anderson Cooper, Mr. Cooper offers the Commander in Chief a long pretzel.
"Get me Aaron Brown," Bush replies. "I need a soppy 9-11 interview to make me feel real goooooooooood and boost my ground zero poll numbers!"
