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Senior Citizen Gives Birth - World Record for Broken Water
LONDON — Wendy Trumble, a 66-year old British woman, gave birth to a boy this week, becoming the oldest woman in the world to successfully bear a child. Her son, Gavin, who had been in her womb for 26 years, simultaneously became the most overdue baby ever delivered.
He was born via Caesarean section at the Ashford Hospital in London on July 18. Gavin has spent the past five years using a Blackberry that his mother accidentally swallowed in 2001 to blog on his website, www.wombservice.com. Doctors are keeping both mother and son in the hospital for a few days for observational purposes, but Wendy and Gavin are scheduled to be discharged sometime this week.
"He is just wonderful, very lively and alert," Trumble said during a press conference at the hospital. "And it's so much easier on my back. I'm also really excited to eat things I like, rather than always worrying about what Gavin likes. I'm sick of Doritos."
Gavin's father, Thomas Trumble, was similarly overjoyed at the birth. He has a vague recollection of conceiving Gavin immediately after the popular TV series Dallas revealed who had shot JR, and has been wondering which would arrive first, his child or a feature-length Dallas film. Given the spate of 1970s TV show's that have been turned into feature films over the past few years, Mr. Trumble was becoming increasingly impatient as he waited for his son to leave the womb.
"I haven't been intimate with my wife in nearly five years, ever since Gavin wrote in his blog about getting bludgeoned by my penis during intercourse," Mr. Trumble said. "I'm thinking of taking the Misses somewhere romantic this weekend. It'll be nice to have sex without worrying about ejaculating on my son."
Initially, Gavin will live with his parents until he is weaned, at which point he may consider moving into his own apartment. However, Mrs. Trumble insists that she will not rush her child out into the world before he's ready, even if it takes 26 more years.
Doctors have flocked to Ashford Hospital ever since the birth to get a closer look at this medical marvel. Of particular interest is Gavin's 26-year stay in his mother's womb. As part of the caesarian operation, his mother's uterus walls were removed for observational purposes.
"Mrs. Trumble's uterus walls are unique and quite worthy of scientific study," said Dr. James McCollough, the Chief of Obstetrics at Ashford Hospital. "Plus they were decorated by Gavin with some really cool posters of hotrods and sexy babes."
Gavin himself is looking forward to experiencing the world around him, and has already demanded that his parents take him to Disney World. But he did warn potential hucksters that: "I wasn't born yesterday. Well, literally I was, but I'm very well read. I had a lot of free time on my hands these past 26 years, so don't send me a messages about helping you get some African Dictator's blood money out of a bank, cause I know that's bullsh*t."
