BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JULY 19, 2006 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
» back issues

» search site

personal ad
of the week

best of
bongo news

sponsored links

in other news

Israel Nukes France for Being Anti-Semitic, Bush Defends Israel's Right to Attack
... Full story

Bush Nukes Entire Middle East - And Massachusetts Too
... Full story

Bush Wrecks Cart and G-8 Summit
... Full story

Gates Foundation Buys Up All Biotech Research, Patents Key to Eternal Life
... Full story

French World Cup Captain Ejected for Cheese-Related Altercation
... Full story

Barbaro: "Running Like Some Maniac Was Not My Idea"
... Full story

The Osama Diary
... Full story

Puff the Magic Airport
... Full story

Separated at Birth: Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
... Full story

Christie Brinkley: "There Are Still 3 Billion Men I Haven't Married"
... Full story

Ask Dr. Sawtooth: Why is Your President So Linguistically Challenged?
... Full story

Hamlet: Nicole Kidman
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Hugo Ballz: Mow the Lawn
Hugo Ballz comic strip... Full story

Senior Citizen Gives Birth - World Record for Broken Water

LONDON — Wendy Trumble, a 66-year old British woman, gave birth to a boy this week, becoming the oldest woman in the world to successfully bear a child. Her son, Gavin, who had been in her womb for 26 years, simultaneously became the most overdue baby ever delivered.

He was born via Caesarean section at the Ashford Hospital in London on July 18. Gavin has spent the past five years using a Blackberry that his mother accidentally swallowed in 2001 to blog on his website, Doctors are keeping both mother and son in the hospital for a few days for observational purposes, but Wendy and Gavin are scheduled to be discharged sometime this week.

"He is just wonderful, very lively and alert," Trumble said during a press conference at the hospital. "And it's so much easier on my back. I'm also really excited to eat things I like, rather than always worrying about what Gavin likes. I'm sick of Doritos."

Gavin's father, Thomas Trumble, was similarly overjoyed at the birth. He has a vague recollection of conceiving Gavin immediately after the popular TV series Dallas revealed who had shot JR, and has been wondering which would arrive first, his child or a feature-length Dallas film. Given the spate of 1970s TV show's that have been turned into feature films over the past few years, Mr. Trumble was becoming increasingly impatient as he waited for his son to leave the womb.

"I haven't been intimate with my wife in nearly five years, ever since Gavin wrote in his blog about getting bludgeoned by my penis during intercourse," Mr. Trumble said. "I'm thinking of taking the Misses somewhere romantic this weekend. It'll be nice to have sex without worrying about ejaculating on my son."

Initially, Gavin will live with his parents until he is weaned, at which point he may consider moving into his own apartment. However, Mrs. Trumble insists that she will not rush her child out into the world before he's ready, even if it takes 26 more years.

Doctors have flocked to Ashford Hospital ever since the birth to get a closer look at this medical marvel. Of particular interest is Gavin's 26-year stay in his mother's womb. As part of the caesarian operation, his mother's uterus walls were removed for observational purposes.

"Mrs. Trumble's uterus walls are unique and quite worthy of scientific study," said Dr. James McCollough, the Chief of Obstetrics at Ashford Hospital. "Plus they were decorated by Gavin with some really cool posters of hotrods and sexy babes."

Gavin himself is looking forward to experiencing the world around him, and has already demanded that his parents take him to Disney World. But he did warn potential hucksters that: "I wasn't born yesterday. Well, literally I was, but I'm very well read. I had a lot of free time on my hands these past 26 years, so don't send me a messages about helping you get some African Dictator's blood money out of a bank, cause I know that's bullsh*t."

Steve Horwitz

Read these related stories:

Subscribe to Bongo News

bongo recommends

bongo news

Subscribe to Bongo News

Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc. | Terms of service | Privacy policy | How to advertise | About us

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

RSS Feed