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AUGUST 30, 2006

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Starbucks to Offer Caffeinated Whores

SEATTLE — In a move designed to capture a broad consumer market, Starbucks will now offer Cappucino Lingerie for women who can get a caffeine buzz while their cellulite melts away.

It will work very simply: a woman will order up a Grande Cappucino and a caffeine-infused negligee and, after she's wired, some male customers will lick their coffee-impregnated underwear.

Everybody wins. The woman loses her cellulite and gets her caffeine jolt and the man gets a combination of tasty Cappincino and caffein-whore.

Many have wondered how this new style of Starbucks' female customer will get her needs satisfied. Starbucks indicates they are toying with the idea of having "Cappucinodale" Dancers featuring Jose Canseco in Cafe Mocha-drenched briefs.

Van Gross, MD

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