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Ask Dr. Sawtooth: What Do the Democrats Stand For?
Bongo News is proud to have engaged the services of Dr. Sawtooth. Dr. Sawtooth and his staff of experts will select and answer a question of interest each week. This week's question is from Doreen Eaglefeather of Arizona.
Q: I live on a Navajo Reservation here. The Republicans, through Abramoff, have made a few Indian tribes rich by authorizing casinos on their lands, but they have done nothing to help the rest of us. I intend to vote Democratic, but they speak words and say nothing. What are they for'?
A. I have tried to contact top Democrats to see what they intend to do if elected, and have been unable to get any coherent answers. I then successfully contacted Karl Rove, Bush's advisor, and asked him if he knew what the Democratic platform was to be if they succeeded in becoming a Congressional majority. Mr. Rove said he did know what they would do, and said it would be a complete and total disaster for the country! Among his dire predictions: they would cut and run from Iraq; discontinue subsidies to Exxon, which would inhibit them from finding more oil; authorize stem cell research, which would kill babies; tax the rich so they could no longer have monopolistic corporations to hire workers at minimum wage; have the government run the Food and Drug Administration effectively; stop energy companies from releasing healthful emissions, which prevent asthma; say global warming is a TRUE phenomena; and, God forbid, talk with North Korea and Iran! Doreen, I could hear a trembling in Rove's voice as he finished with, "If the Democrats win, terrorists will be swarming all over us! The CEO's will have to sell their yachts! Gays will be marrying gays! Rush Limbaugh will be silenced! Crosses will be removed from classrooms! There will be no more torture at Guantanamo! Oh, what horrors we will see!" I didn't press him for more, poor man. I could sense his agony over the phone.