BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. FEBRUARY 28, 2007 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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Walrus Smitten With Trainer

NIAGARA FALLS, Ontario — To the delight of many visitors, a trainer at the Marineland amusement park has recently captured the affections of a female walrus. Five year old Smooshi had become increasingly smitten with her trainer ever since his arrival from Belarus four years ago.

"Smooshi followed Phil everywhere," said a senior Marineland veterinarian. "She even barked whenever he left her sight, or visited with other animals. It was really quite adorable."

However, the storybook romance soon turned sour when Smooshi waddled in on her trainer drinking a can of Fresca. The walrus quickly filed assault charges against Demers, and stated to Niagara police, "Oh my God, I touched him. He's probably given me the Gay. It'll penetrate my thick hide in a way that Arctic water never could."

It was not long until the Canadian Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, weighed in on this issue. He asserted that this "predatory trainer" was obviously involved in some sort of flaming, Communist/Separatist conspiracy.

"He does come from Russia, after all," said Harper, "and godless degenerates are often lured into alliances with The Bloc."

The Minister of Foreign Affairs, Peter McKay was also joined the fray. "They're called Pinkos for a reason, folks. Their socks refuse to clash with their shoes, and they promote that swishy, equity crap"'

When reached for comment, Marineland officials simply replied, "Vodka, vodka. Sharing, sharing."

Ryan Bird

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