BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. APRIL 11, 2007 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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A Carbon Tax Will Raise Money, But Won't Cut Emissions?

This is actually clean steam but we’ll pretend it’s smoke
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Politicians are salivating over the prospect of raising additional revenue through a carbon tax. The tax would be placed on electric utilities that burn coal to generate electricity, and on vehicles that guzzle too much gas.

"Just think how much tax revenue " I mean investment dollars " we can raise," said Harry Reid, the Democratic leader of the Senate. The tax may not cut emissions, but emissions are just a smokescreen! If a carbon tax is imposed on utilities that burn coal, the tax will be recovered from higher eclectic rates passed on to consumers, so nobody will get hurt!"

"Now, it won't have a meaningful effect on carbon dioxide emissions, because there's just not enough wind and biomass to produce more than about 5% of our electricity needs. And guess what, we produce about 50% of our electricity from coal, we've got 300 years of coal reserves in this country, and coal miners are Democrats!

"So we'll burn just about the same amount of coal, but think of the taxes we'll raise! We keep the miners' votes and pick up the green votes as well.

"It's almost as good as the cigarette tax. Did that stop people smoking? No way, Jose. And now the states need people to keep on smoking, because the states have become addicted to those revenues!

"So we don't want to actually cut out too much coal burning. That would reduce tax revenue."

Emma Dubin

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