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Republicans Abandon Gonzales, Madonna Adopts Him


madonna
Madonna adds abandoned Alberto Gonzales to her growing collection
LONDON and WASHINGTON, D.C — In the wake of being abandoned by loyal Senate Republicans, cast out, as it were, by courageous ideologues afraid of losing their phony-baloney jobs, U.S. Attorney, Generalisimo Alberto Gonzales, has been adopted by pop idol and serial adoptress, Madonna.

While key Senate Republicans have seen and understood the handwriting on the wall, the President, known for both his stubbornness and his profound illiteracy, continues to support AG, the embattled AG.

"Ahn azdeh 'vestuhgayshun, induh [Senate] hearin's, wehnt furwurd, ehtz reel cleer-lahk datduh 'torney gen'rul busted no laws, did no wrongdoin," the President asserted Monday, as though doing wrongdoing was something for which a cabinet member or aide might get sacked.

Although fewer and fewer Republicans are willing to squander the political capital required to keep this administration afloat, not so for Madonna.

She has none to squander.

"Who could resist the little tick?" Madonna queried at the adoption proceedings that took place this week in the nation's capital. "That impish grin " that 'in your face' attitude " the smell."

Madonna adopted the abandoned AG in closed-court hearing, but insiders report that she has pledged to let the little man visit the White House on weekends and holidays until she gets tired of doing that and gets a puppy or a new house plant or something.

Roger Coverly
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Read these related stories:

Separated at Birth: Alberto Gonzales and Señor Wences' Dummy (12-Jan-05)

Is the Attorney General an Illegal Alien? (14-Mar-07)

Hearings About Domestic Eavesdropping Spied On (15-Feb-06)

Bush and Cheney Break into Daniel Ellsberg's Psychiatrist's Office (30-Nov-05)

Bush Cabinet's Names and Numbers Found in Paris Hilton's T-Mobile Phone (2-Mar-05)




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