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Obama Adopts Romney's Health Plan
WASHINGTON, D.C. Barack Obama has revealed the details of his long-awaited health care plan.
“It is the same as Mitt Romney’s,” Obama announced.
“I’ve only been in the Senate for two years,” he said, “so you’ve got to cut me some slack when it comes to formulating something as complicated as a national health plan. So I ‘borrowed’ the plan developed by the former Governor of Massachusetts. It worked for him and it will leave me time to focus on the Iraq war.
“I’ve never been in the military, but I do have a plan for Iraq. Get out now!
“There, that didn’t take much focus.
“So, back to my health plan. Everyone in America will be covered for health insurance, including the 45 million who currently have no coverage. Of course, 25 million of those people are young, healthy people who don’t want coverage, but they’ll have to pay for it under my plan so we can cover everybody else.
“It’s going to be like the lottery. You know, everybody buys a ticket, but the odds are stacked against you. Very few people win. That’s the way insurance works too. The average person ends up paying more that the service costs.
“So now I’ll focus on Hillary and why she is a lying heathen. Her health plan is still a secret, like last time. Her position on the war seems to be a secret too! Who knows what it is this week?”