The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers I conned some free tickets to a preview in New York of The Two Towers, six days before the public opening [more...]
Wal-Mart Pulls Teenage-Pregnancy Barbie From Shelves
BENTONVILLE, AR — Wal-Mart pulled Mattel's "Midge and Baby" from its shelves after public protests and internal moralizing about whether the doll hits too close to home for many of its customers and employees.
While most consumers see the doll as a benign toy whose purpose is to indulge little girls in fantasy motherhood, some labeled the dolls as promoting promiscuity and immorality, and destroying family values.
"They stupid! All da bitches I knows who's pregnant ain't married," said a Greenville, NC, resident.
"Where's Ken in all of this? Why is Mattel so ready to omit the man from child rearing? What is Mattel's hidden agenda?" asked one Million Man March veteran.
"Have you ever wondered why Ken doesn't have a dick?" mocked our reporter. "Do you also think this is Mattel's way of emasculating men? And is Barbie's lack of nipples a conspiracy between Mattel and the Baby Formula cartel?"
A Wal-Mart spokesman did not comment when asked if Wal-Mart would also be pulling toy guns, imitation vomit, fake poo, demonic action figures and all toys symbolically phallic.
