BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JANUARY 22, 2003 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Nation Celebrates Martin Luther King Day With Hip-Hop Culture
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Canadians Need to Have Sex More Often
Molson Brewery has launched a new campaign... Full story

Siamese Twins Are Surgically Rejoined
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Anne Hathaway at the Golden Globes
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AOL Head Case Resigns
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English Foreign Secretary, Jack Straw, Gives Colin Powell a Thrill
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Orchestra Conductors Are Weird
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Who's a Child Pornography Viewer?
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Cloning Debate: Government Wants All Identical Twins Killed

Hilton chicks
Pandering to its religious-right base, the Bush Administration has decided to wage all-out war on all forms of cloning.

Attorney General Ashcroft has been ordered to write legislation which will require all stem cells held for medical research to be destroyed, and will outlaw research into cloning and all forms of genetic modification.

"We will hunt down and bring to justice all members of the Raelian sect," said Administration spokesman, Ari Fleischer. "We'll destroy all cloned fetuses, and all identical twins."

"Julia Stiles, Kirsten Dunst, Kate Hudson, Alicia Silverstone and all those indistinguishable-from-each-other young actresses have to go. So too do the New York socialite-parasite Hilton sisters, Nikki and Paris, even if they are not twins."

Read these related stories:

White House Backs Cloning of Cheney (28-Nov-01)

Society Column (19-Dec-01)

Ashcroft Threatens a Reporter Who Asks One Question Too Many (14-Dec-01)

Separated at Birth: Morticia Addams and Heather Graham (2-Jan-02)

Ashcroft is Offended by Nude Statue at Justice Department (6-Feb-02)

Boy Interrupts Spider-Man While He Tries to Take a Dump (15-May-02)

Weird Religious Sect Claims to Have Cloned a Baby (1-Jan-03)

Separated at Birth: Gollum and James Carville (1-Jan-03)

Self Cloning Crayfish Threatens to Take Over Europe (5-Mar-03)

Are Cloned Babies Edible? (15-Jan-03)

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