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Ex-Judge Ray Moore Threatens to Unleash Biblical Plagues
Judge Moore's handiwork
By our Religious Editor, Mike Pasternack
BIRMINGHAM, Alabama Former Alabama Chief Justice, Ray Moore, announced this week that, unless he is reinstated to the bench, God has given him the power to unleash on the Earth the ten biblical plagues that tormented Egypt.
"I don't want to do it, but this unholy Government has forced my hand," said the former judge.
For a reminder on what the ten plagues were for those of you who slept through bible study, here's how it works:
Day 1: The River Turns to Blood - Judge Moore, when asked, said it would be the Potomac
Day 2: The Frogs - Judge Moore was non-committal on this as to whether it would be a bunch of squishy amphibians under our feet or a tremendous influx of French-Canadians.
Day 3: The Lice - Hippie days are here again!
Day 4: The Flies - "Help me, I'm Philippe!"
Day 5: Disease of the Livestock - "Did you want fries with that McVeggie Burger?"
Day 6: The Boils - If we get this far I'm for giving this guy his job back
Day 7: The Hailstorm - Impressive in Ancient Egypt. Not such a big deal here.
Day 8: The Locusts- There go the rhododendrons
Day 9: The Darkness - Three days worth. Frankly we could probably all do with some sleep after all this.
Day 10: The Death of the First Born - This one should cause quite a stir. I know it will around my house. My rich older brother is a real prick and it might be worth a case of the boils to collect his dough.
Judge Moore has set the timetable for this to coincide with the Easter/Passover season, so I guess we will all have wait and see. He says that he will give the Government one more warning to reinstate him and, from then on, it's out of his hands.