BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. DECEMBER 31, 2003 Copyright © 2001-2018 Bongo News, Inc.
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2003: The Year in Review
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Bongo News' Man of the Year for 2003 is Saddam Hussein
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Bongo News' Women of the Year for 2003 are Pamela Anderson and Liz Hurley
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Jean Dicksin's Predictions for 2004
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Gov. Pataki Pardons Lenny Bruce for Obscenity Conviction: "I'm F**king Sorry, Lenny"
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Bush: "Barney is the Son I Never Had"
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Gephardt Exudes Confidence He Can Beat Dean; Kerry Exudes Sweat
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Tom Ridge Says Terrorists Caused California Earthquake
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"Beagle" Space Probe Feared Dead on Mars; Princess Anne's Pit Bulls Suspected
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Michael Jackson Uses Clever "Of Course I'd Sleep With Children Again" Defense
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Mad Cow Turns Out to Be Illegal Immigrant from Canada; US Hopeful About Beef Ban
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Dems Find Cure For Mad Cow Disease: MONEY!
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Recipes of the World - Canada: McMadCow Burger Deluxe
Join our world tour of culinary delights... Full story

Martha Stewart Asks the Wizard of Love
You can ask the Wizard anything... Full story

The Adventures of Abdul and Hasim. Chapter 4: Meeting With the Professor
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World to End Sometime This Year
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Osama Wishes a Happy and Prosperous New Year to the Faithful
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Ghadafi Wants to Kiss and Make Up

ghadafi makeover
TRIPOLI, Libya — When Moammar Ghadafi, dictator/tyrant/bad-boy/terrorist turned humanitarian/man-about-town, announced that he was ready to "assume the position and kiss and make up" with the United States last week, most journalists reported that it was for economic/oil reasons. However, top advisors to the man, whose last name is spelled so many different ways by the media that not even his own mother is sure how it should be spelled, today revealed a surprising personal reason for the about face.

"Have you seen Mo' lately?" asked his top aide. "He's not getting any younger and years of exposure to the harsh Libyan desert climate have played havoc with his skin. He saw the crude makeover that Saddam got when he got captured - blunt haircut, quick shave, cursory dental exam - and vowed that would never happen to him. He's hoping that by giving up his weapons of mass humanitarianism he can snag a guest appearance on 'Extreme Makeover.'"

Although the aides' claim could not be immediately confirmed, fellow Libyans recount how Ghadafi has been running around the countryside recently muttering, "Well, at least I look better than Glen Campbell, don't I?"

Mr. Campbell could not be reached for comment but his press agent did confirm that he was last seen "driving the main road searching in the sun for another overload."

In related news, Ghadafi also admitted that Strom Thurmond was his father, thus confirming a story that has been grist for the Libyan rumor mill for many years.

"I am hopeful that when I come to the US for my appearance on 'Extreme Makeover,' I can meet some of my many half brothers and sisters," he said.

Naomi D. Plume

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