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Garfunkel Was Feeling Groovy


art garfunkel
ALBANY, New York — Art Garfunkel was feeling groovy as he drove towards Albany for a concert with Paul Simon. He was busted for smoking pot by a New York State trooper who pulled him over for speeding and smelled the pot.

"Slow down, you move to fast," said the trooper, "you've got to make the morning last."

The he recognized Garfunkel, and asked for his autograph and a joint. But he got so stoned, he cuffed Garfunkel when he intended to let him go in exchange for two tickets to the concert. At the station, Garfunkel took a urine test which revealed troubled water. As a result, Garfunkel spent the night as the guest of the People of New York State.

Garfunkel was on his way to meet Simon. "I needed to mellow out before facing that little sh*thead," Garfunkel explained after his arrest. "We've been business partners for 50 years, and I can't stand the midget."

Paul Simon laughed out loud when he heard that Garfunkel had been busted. "Ha! Serves that too-tall, frizzy-haired freak right! I AM the one who wrote the songs! I did the whole thing, the lyrics and the melodies! He just sang them."

"Why was it always SIMON and Garfunkel, "said Garfunkel the next morning. "It should have been GARFUNKEL and Simon some of the time. That's the alphabetical order. And who gives a sh*t who wrote the songs? Does anyone care who wrote Sinatra's songs, or Elvis's? Do you think anyone would have heard of Paul Simon if Barry Manilow had sung the falsettos? And have you ever heard Simon sing? He's godawful."

When Simon heard about Garfunkel's remarks, he blew a fuse. "Tell him I'll meet him down by the school yard. I'll cut him 'til he cries out in his anger and his shame, 'I am leaving, I am leaving,' but I will still remain. Mmm Mmm Mmm. Then you'll hear the sound of silence."

Photo by Mike Pasternack
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