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Good News! The Inventor of the "Barbie" Doll Has Died
Olympic Whiner Barbie
LOS ANGELES Ruth Handler, the inventor of the "Barbie" doll, has died. She was 85, and choked on a Barbie Hair Dryer accessory.
She invented the doll in 1959 for her daughter Barbara, believing that little girls needed a glamorous doll they could aspire to look like, rather than take care of. Then why did she choose an impossible-to-achieve figure, with 39 inch busts and 17 inch waists, and such a dumb expression?
Since 1959, there have been over one billion Barbie dolls sold. Originally, there was only one kind of Barbie doll, but over the years the number of variations has proliferated in cloying cute and painfully politically correct permutations.
There's Olympic Figure Skater Barbie, Astronaut Barbie, and so on. With Handler's death, the world may be spared such further sickening variations.
Still, there are some Barbies we wish we had seen: Patty Hearst Bank Robber Barbie, Betty Friedan Frumpy Barbie, Nicole Simpson Barbie (with removable head accessory), Tonya Harding Barbie (with metal pipe accessory), National Rifle Association Gun Toting Barbie, Tammy Fay Bakker Makeup Barbie, Andrea Yates Child Caring Barbie, Eyes Wide Shut Sex Toy Barbie, and Al Qaeda Full Length Burkha Barbie.