BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. APRIL 28, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Iraqi Intern at White House Not Catching On

WASHINGTON, DC — In a rare admission of failure, a disappointed White House today announced that its high hopes for Iraqi democracy intern, Fadimah Hassani, have gone largely unfulfilled.

"I hate to say it," said Bush spokesman, Scott McClellan, "but we're finding that talking to an Iraqi about the nuances of the American way is more like talking to a rock."

Added McClellan, "In her two months in Washington, Ms. Hassani's one and only accomplishment has been to clear up for us why they call her area of the world the Cradle of Civilization. I mean, this woman's the proverbial babe in the woods when it comes, for instance, to wrapping her brain around the vital role that pampering the wealthy plays in an egalitarian society."

Said Democracy Internship Program Coordinator, Tammy Bueller, "To put it bluntly, Ms. Hassani seems to be about a dollop of yogurt short of a falafel. She just doesn't understand how Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, fits into our secular democracy. "You should have seen the president trying to explain to Ms. Hassani the simple difference between himself and Saddam Hussein. She seemed more interested in catatonically catching flies than grasping the idea that defying the rest of the world is only democratic in nature when you're 110% right."

Added McClellan, "I guess we should have seen this was a bad fit way back on day one when the President was totally frustrated in his attempts to come up with a nickname for Fadimah."

Larry Greer

Read these related stories:

John Kerry Spots an Intern at a Campaign Rally (18-Feb-04)

Clarke Forewarned President About 9/11, Janet Jackson Nipple and Martian Invasion (31-Mar-04)

Bush Can't Spell the State He Was Born In (4-Feb-04)

Bush is Ahead in the Only Poll That Counts: The US Supreme Court's (11-Feb-04)

Bush Changes White House Website to (19-Nov-03)

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