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Florida Separated from Continental United States
Indicating that it was "too much hassle to make this geographically worthwhile," North Florida white people removed Florida from the US using an electric saw purchased in a Southern Georgia Home Depot.
Demopublican Zell Miller and an armed militia who "are still looking for Yankees in Antietam" set the peninsula off to sea "filled with all those blacks, gays, Jews and Espanyolos" right after using an 18 wheeler "Freedom Fleet" to transport thousands of Florida panhandle rednecks and all 723 members of Governor Jeb "White Bread" Bush's extended Tallahassee family anxious to return to Georgia and their true Southern roots, the state where most proudly proclaim, shotguns in hand, "If it flies, it dies."
"Between the storm and the voting problems, the illegal immigrants and South
Beach bestiality, we all figured, it's time to free them up and turn the damn place into an island. We hammered some plywood over the surface of the place since they have Hurricane Frances there now, but sometimes you have to drift in the breeze, if you got the problems they have down yonder," noted Miller raising a pitchfork above his recently ironed hairpiece.
"The only thing they are missin' is that Catholic John Kelly fella." continued the Georgia Senator. "Let him run for President of this new fangled Devils' Island. I'm sure they'll sure 'nuf welcome him, maybe feed him a helpin' of HIV on rye from a Miami deli and follow that with "a roast con polio" or some such concoction those Cubans chew on."
"All those elderly Jews on Miami Beach would like the floating land mass no doubt," concluded Zell, also known affectionately to his friends as "Coonhunter." "They'd be Wandering Jews, all right, and wondering how many Commies can jump aboard if the dang island hovers down to Fidel's left wing hang out, which I'm sure is packed with boatloads of liberal Hymies."