BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. SEPTEMBER 8, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
» back issues

» search site

best of
bongo news

in other news

Clinton Insists He is OK After Bypass Surgery, Goes Jogging to Burger King
... Full story

Clinton Had Sex Prior to Surgery
... Full story

Bush Twins Go On National Comedy Tour
... Full story

Dan Rather Says Republican Convention Was Not News, Is Mystified by Bush Bounce
... Full story

Kerry Earns Purple Lollypop for Painful Flu Vaccine
... Full story

Michael Moore's 'Fahrenheit 1812' to Deny Link Between King George III and Burning of White House
... Full story

Yankees Lose to Indians 287 to 0, Suffer Three Deaths
... Full story

Florida Separated from Continental United States
... Full story

Miss Universe Has a Wardrobe Malfunction
... Full story

Beyonce Knowles Has a Wardrobe Malfunction
... Full story

Better Homes & Gardens: Take a Look at the Garden
... Full story

Princess Pantha: Demi Moore
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: B.C. Oil of Olay
With apologies to B.C.... Full story

Meet Blunt Barry
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Florida Separated from Continental United States

Indicating that it was "too much hassle to make this geographically worthwhile," North Florida white people removed Florida from the US using an electric saw purchased in a Southern Georgia Home Depot.

Demopublican Zell Miller and an armed militia who "are still looking for Yankees in Antietam" set the peninsula off to sea "filled with all those blacks, gays, Jews and Espanyolos" right after using an 18 wheeler "Freedom Fleet" to transport thousands of Florida panhandle rednecks and all 723 members of Governor Jeb "White Bread" Bush's extended Tallahassee family anxious to return to Georgia and their true Southern roots, the state where most proudly proclaim, shotguns in hand, "If it flies, it dies."

"Between the storm and the voting problems, the illegal immigrants and South Beach bestiality, we all figured, it's time to free them up and turn the damn place into an island. We hammered some plywood over the surface of the place since they have Hurricane Frances there now, but sometimes you have to drift in the breeze, if you got the problems they have down yonder," noted Miller raising a pitchfork above his recently ironed hairpiece.

"The only thing they are missin' is that Catholic John Kelly fella." continued the Georgia Senator. "Let him run for President of this new fangled Devils' Island. I'm sure they'll sure 'nuf welcome him, maybe feed him a helpin' of HIV on rye from a Miami deli and follow that with "a roast con polio" or some such concoction those Cubans chew on."

"All those elderly Jews on Miami Beach would like the floating land mass no doubt," concluded Zell, also known affectionately to his friends as "Coonhunter." "They'd be Wandering Jews, all right, and wondering how many Commies can jump aboard if the dang island hovers down to Fidel's left wing hang out, which I'm sure is packed with boatloads of liberal Hymies."

Van Gross MD

Read these related stories:

Anthrax Found in Florida Sharks (31-Oct-01)

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen Have Too Much Sex (23-Jun-04)

Lance Armstrong Launched Into Space With a One-Way Ticket (28-Jul-04)

Wal-Mart Sex Ring is Exposed (7-May-03)

personal ad
of the week

Subscribe to Bongo News

bongo recommends

Subscribe to Bongo News

Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc. | Terms of service | Privacy policy | How to advertise | About us

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

RSS Feed

Warning: fopen(cachedpages/1317 .html) [function.fopen]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 248

Warning: fwrite(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 249

Warning: fclose(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 250