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National Security Advisor: Martha Stewart
Boy, Condoleezza Rice left quite a mess. What we need is a fixer-upper. Enter Martha Stewart. She can organize the FBI and CIA and make sure that the departments are spotless.
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Secretary of Transportation: Roger Rabbit
Knows all about the dangers of transportation. Refuses to drive like Ashcroft refuses to dance.
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Attorney General: Judge Judy
She does not believe that Bush is guilty of war crimes. "Whoever said that is getting the gavel," she said.
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Secretary of Health & Human Services: Michael Moore
Obviously did not see Super Size Me. He can appeal to the average American, at least weight wise. Certainly not ideologically, that liberal pinko.
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Department of Homeland Security: Bozo the Clown
Bozo expects to find terrorists on the lens. Keep the search up, Bozo. Keep it up.
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FBI Director: Al Franken
Al Franken's bad humor is bound to keep the terrorists away.
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Secretary of the Treasury: Scrooge McDuck
He promises to keep all the money in his money bin. Well, better than keeping it in a lock box like that commie-lover Al Gore.
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Press Secretary: Baghdad Bob
Bush picked him because he says that the Iraq War has been a huge success. He says "he likes that kind of optimism."
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Secretary of Agriculture: The Green Giant
He can survey all the farms at once. He is just that big. He has many years of experience educating people about eating vegetables. What's with that toga? The rumor of an affair with Ms. Land O' Lakes turned out to be false.
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Secretary of Education: Elmo
He has taught George Bush everything he knows. Now Bush can almost recognize colors, but still cannot draw inside the lines.
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Office of Management and Budget Director: Ken Lay
Hey, this guy is very creative when it comes to accounting. Will help turn the deficit in the trillions into a “surplus” in no time.
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Secretary of National Drug Control Policy: Rush Limbaugh
Rush has experience in dealing illegal drugs. Sorry, dealing with. My bad. Expect him to be a hypocrite and jail those who did the same things he did.
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