BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. DECEMBER 1, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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The S*** Flies at Benihana

NEW YORK — Following the death of a man after neck surgery following a flying shrimp incident at a Benihana restaurant in Long Island, New York, lawsuits against the Japanese-style chain are flying like shrimp.

The man reportedly hurt his neck when a knife-welding Benihana chef flicked a shrimp in his direction. The man twisted his neck - either trying to avoid the shrimp or trying to catch it in his mouth, depending on whom you believe. His doctors told him he needed surgery to repair damage to his vertebrae. They operated on him twice, and he later died of an infection.

Now you can't have surgery without a warning that there is a danger of death, and who knows if the fault is Benihana's, the doctors, the hospital's, or nobody's. No matter. Sue Benihana!

Bongo News has learned that a widow is suing Benihana because her husband was electrocuted at a construction site the day after eating at Benihana's. "There is a connection between the flying shrimp and his death," her lawyer said, "but we don't have to disclose that connection before the trial. Just as well, because we're still trying to think of it."

Vice Presidential-loser, John Edwards, has flown to Long Island to solicit clients who might be victims of Benihana. "I care about little children damaged by doctors with medical insurance - not little children damaged by anyone else - and I now also care about people who have had any unfortunate accidents within two weeks of eating at Benihana."

A spokesman for Benihana said, "Chefs have previousry accidentary chopped off fingers of guests. Velly solly. But frying shlimp no probrem before."

Benihana chefs have been praised for rescuing choke victims. One chef who did not know the Heimlich maneuver nevertheless saved one restaurant patron by using his knife to slice a hole in the mans' windpipe.
"Me not know Heimrich," said the heroic chef, "but I know chop chop. Man can breathe again. Now I am rike Samurai warrior!"


Read these related stories:

New York City Bans Farting in Bars and Restaurants (14-Apr-04)

McDonald's Announces its Burgers Have Long Contained Cow Brains (21-Jan-04)

Founder of Wendy's Eats One Double Cheeseburger Too Many (16-Jan-02)

McDonald's Says the Death of its CEO was not Linked to its Burgers (28-Apr-04)

Dr. Atkins Dies From Brain Injury - Doctors Say He Might Have Survived But For His Unhealthy Diet (23-Apr-03)

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