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DECEMBER 29, 2004

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Bongo News' Man of the Year for 2004 is SpongeBob SparePants
... Full story

Bongo News' Woman of the Year for 2004 is Paris Hilton
... Full story

Jean Dicksin’s Predictions for 2005
... Full story

Why Santa Was Late on Christmas Night
... Full story

Bush Diary – Playing Hyde and Seek; Rummy Visits Troops
... Full story

Al Gorenko Disputes Ballots in Southern Ukraine
... Full story

Bush Ancestor Went AWOL During the Crusades
... Full story

Yoko Ono Appointed Spokesperson for New Chemical Castration Drug
... Full story

Robert Blake’s Rice Krispies
... Full story

Church of St. Kitty
... Full story

Bud Selig Announces a New Curse
The curse of the Bambini is lifted, but watch out for... Full story

Robot Fighter: Jay Leno
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Doonesbury Blowjob
With apologies to Doonesbury... Full story

Car Talk
Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

Best of Bongo News 2004

This was the year that was:

Best of Bush
Bush Wants Captain Kangaroo Buried with Full Military Honors
Bush is Ahead in the Only Poll That Counts: The US Supreme Court's
I Support President Bush for Reelction Because…
My Nazi Photo Gallery, by George Bush
Lone Conservative Celebrity Holds a Concert Rant for Bush
Presidential Election Secretly Moved to Yesterday: Bush and Cheney Declared Winners
Bush Twins Go On National Comedy Tour
Palestinians Mourn Arafat, Bush Welcomes Abbas: “I Love that Group”
Bush Sends Soldiers Into Langley to Retake CIA Headquarters
Bush Diary - Cabinut Members Scat; U-Crane Poisoning

Best of Kerry
Kerry Comes From Behind
Kerry Shows Off Purple Hard
Swift Boat Veterans Say Kerry Had Tea with Ho Chi Minh
Kerry is Worried that Reagan's Death Will Help Bush: Plans to Kill Carter
John Kerry is Really a French Spy Named 'Jean Le Karre'
Why Voters Are Switching to President-Elect Kerry After His Debate Win

Mideast Madness
Reader Survey: What Do You Think When You See a Woman in a Burkha?
Bongo News' Burkha Contest: Where's My Wife?
Iraq Back in Axis of Evil; US Loses Spot in Axis of Good
Arabs Eating Their Dates
Saddam Backs Off His Assertion that He Had Weapons of Mass Destruction, Agrees to Bipartisan Inquiry

Curse the Clintons
Now We Know Where Hillary Got Her Huge Thighs From
In "Because I Could," Clinton Reveals Reasons for Intern Invasions
Monica Blimps to 250 Pounds, Clinton Driven Wild with Desire
Clinton Aide, Sandy Bergler, Takes Documents from the National Archive
Clinton Insists He is OK After Bypass Surgery, Goes Jogging to Burger King
Clinton is Shocked to Learn Where They Got the Veins For His Bypass
Clinton Searches for a New Penis
Hillary Discovers She is a Born-Again Christian
Presidents Praise Bill Clinton at His Library’s Unzipping
Clinton Presidential Library: First Ladies Discuss Their Sex Lives

Best Photos
Klu Klux Klan Targets Bongo News in the South
Nissan Xcreta – A Gasoline-Fee SUV
The Scream Stolen, Temporarily Replaced
Better Homes & Gardens: Take a Look at the Garden
KY Uses Advertising Genius
Stanley Ruined Casual Friday
How to Stay Happy in a Cave
Raft Girl
Bush’s Gay Brother
Where Bush Dines Out

Media Bashing
Liberal Media is Outraged by Myrna Blyth Book, "Spin Sisters"
Al Franken Induces Multi-City Coma With Liberal Radio Show
Larry King Denies that 'Depends' Found in His Trash Are His
Oprah to Free White Women She Has Enslaved with Her TV Show
Sirius Satellite Radio to Pay Howard Stern $500 Million to Make it Obscene
Bill O'Reilly, Accused of Sexual Harassment, Says "So What?"
FCC Chairman is Aroused by Nicollette Sheridan in ‘Desperate Housewives’ Promo
Dan Rather Now Works on Documents at Kinko's
Highlights of Dan Rather’s Career
'How to Make Love Like a Police Commissioner' from ReganBooks

Worst of Celebrities
Justin Timberlake Fumbles Boob Handoff From Janet Jackson; Panthers Nipped in Super Bowl
Britney Spears Marries Guy from 'Seinfeld'
Pamela Anderson's Breasts Become American Citizens
The Wizard of Love's Celebrity Pop Quiz
Madonna Takes Jewish Name, Announces 'Like a Whiner' Tour
Heather Locklear is LAX
Lindsay Lohan, Hillary Duff, Britney Murphy, Kate Hudson, Kirsten Dunst, Reese Witherspoon – Who Can Tell the Difference?
Lindsay Lohan Goes Slutty
Ozzy Osbourne Fights With Burglar, Bites His Head Off
Eminem Lyrics Placed in the Smithsonian Institution

Sports Pages
Pete Rose Bets He Can Get Into the Hall of Fame
Pamplona Bull re Dennis Rodman: "I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman"
US Open Women's Tennis Final is a Russian Porn Fest
With World Series Win, "City of Drunks" Becomes "City of Dead Drunks"
Curt Schilling to Undergo New Heroic Surgeries
Top Ten Things Canadians Are Doing During the NHL Lockout
NBA Ratings Soar After Artest Fight with Fans; Teams Bid for Fans
Ron Artest to Change Name to Ron Arrest
Barry Bonds Thought Steroids Were Flaxseed Oil and Arthritis Rub
Kobe Bryant Accuses Karl Malone of Making a Pass at His Wife

Movie Popcorn
As a Result of Mel Gibson's "The Passion of The Christ," Jesus is Now More Popular Than John Lennon
Mel Gibson to Remake "Fiddler on the Roof" with a Catholic Theme
Michael Moore Wins Admiration of the French and Other Spineless Jellyfish for 'Fahrenheit 9/11'
Bowling for Columbine: Jumping for Hot Dogs
'Stepford Wives' Makeovers: Courtney Love, Daryl Hannah, Christina Aguilera, Tommy Lee, ...
Jack Palethorpe Interviews Jonathan Demme, the Director of 'The Manchurian Candidate'
Britney Murphy's New Movie: 'Have you ever been tempted to look inside his …'
Matt and Trey Talk About the Sex Scene in ‘Team America’
The Next David Hasselhoff
Bipolar Express, Starring Jane Pauley

Corporate Crimes
McDonald's Announces its Burgers Have Long Contained Cow Brains
Halliburton Wins No-Bid Contract to Reconstruct Bush Administration's Credibility
H.J. Heinz Company Distances Itself From the Kerry Campaign
McDonald’s Anti-Obesity Campaign Pushes Bulimia
Merck Recalls Vioxx, But Says it Really Cures Arthritis Once and For All
McDonald’s Says the Death of its CEO Was Not Linked to its Burgers
Thalia to do Ads for Hershey’s Chocolate
Jihad Declared by Ron-Al McDon-Al
The Sh*t Flies at Benihana
Heidi Klum Becomes Spokesbabe for McDonalds

The Bush Economy
US Postal Service to Outsource 50,000 jobs to India
Administration Announces that Terrorists are Hiding US Jobs
Love Canal Cleanup Finished, Mutants to Return to Homes
Illegal Immigrants Leaving US, Looking for US Jobs in Their Home Countries
Bush to Become a ‘Hurricane President’
Greenspan: ‘Deficit is Higher than a Hippie”

Online Sex
Bongo News' Swimsuit Edition
Barbie and Ken Break Up After Sex Tape Surfaces
Blind Man Regains Sight at Rio Carnival
Office Romance: Marylou Wondered How all Those Rumors About Her Got Started
Angelina Jolie at the Academy Awards
Exotic Dancer's Snake Act Goes Horribly Wrong
Save a Virgin
I Came First
Best Buns at the Olympics
Lesbianism is Rife in the Olympics

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