BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. MAY 4, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Runaway Bride Turned Tricks For Rides
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Runaway Bride Returns Home, But is Promptly Abducted by Aliens
... Full story

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Caught in Africa Tryst
... Full story

The New Pope Raises the Height of the Urinals in the Vatican
... Full story

Bush and Saudi Hold Hands, Make Out
... Full story

Bush Diary - Laura Makes Jokes, But Says She Wasn't Joking
... Full story

Terror at Bush Press Conference
... Full story

Lassie Named Poet Laureate, Produces Doggerel
... Full story

North Carolina Coach Roy Williams is Fired
... Full story

Jennifer Lopez Has Been Letting People See Her Fur in Public
... Full story

Super Boy: George Bush
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Why Does Snoopy Lick His Balls
With apologies to Peanuts... Full story

Stupid Drawings from a stupid stupid man... Full story

And Now We Go to Our Correspondent Who is Reporting LIVE . . .

"And now we go to our correspondent who is reporting live from outside the courtroom in Lower Manhattan. Foster?"¯

"Thank you, Charles. This is Foster Channick reporting live from outside the courtroom in Lower Manhattan. As you can see, behind me everything is dark and the court building is closed, because it is a little after 10:15 p.m. here on the East Coast. But I'm using the building as a backdrop to bring you this live report on the latest developments in the Kozlowski trial. Earlier today, the prosecutors and the defense lawyers refused to speak to me and, as is usual in jury trials of this type, the jurors are not allowed to talk to me, so I do not have any firsthand information to bring to you at this time. But I did manage to speak earlier today with a court sketch artist who says he was inside the courtroom, although this could not be confirmed. I asked the sketch artist to show me his sketch but, since the sketch he did is under contract to a local newspaper, he would not show it to me. I asked him how the testimony went this afternoon, and he said he was just sketching and not really listening. I interviewed some passersby about five hours ago as they headed home from their offices, and they did not have any more current information than we already have. As you can see [turns around] the court building is still standing [faces camera again] and I'll be back at around 11:15 p.m. to give you the latest on the trial. This is Foster Channick, reporting live from Lower Manhattan. Charles?"¯

"¯Thanks for that report, Foster."¯

Emma Dubin.

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Dan Rather, Anchor's Away (1-Dec-04)

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