BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JUNE 8, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Tom Cruise: "I Have Sex All Over My Holmes"
... Full story

Russell Crowe Arrested For Lousy Imitation of "Cinderella Man" Fight Scene
... Full story

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Check Into a Hotel as Mr. & Mrs. Smith
... Full story

"I Hope Paris Likes Anal Sex"
... Full story

Paris is a Vile Candidate for the 2012 Olympics. Sorry, That's "˜Ville Candidate'
... Full story

Woodward: Sources Must Be Protected, To Maximize My Book Profits!
... Full story

Weather Underground Grabs Felt at Nursing Home; "Payback Time, Fascist!"
... Full story

Bush Diary - I Always Thought Deep Throat Was Robert Redford
... Full story

Guards at Guantanamo Found Multiple Uses for the Koran
... Full story

Californians to Almighty: "Dude, Where's My House?"
... Full story

The Return of Captain Flame: Bill Gates
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Willie "˜n Ethel Making Love
With apologies to Willy β€˜n Ethel... Full story

Amphibo and Hugo
Comics by Hugo Ballz... Full story

Nixon Felt it Was Felt

WASHINGTON, DC — Alexander Haig took center stage again this week to reveal to the nation that Richard Nixon always suspected Mark Felt of being Deep Throat.

"It's great to be back!" said Mr. Haig.

"I'm not in charge, this time. Should be, but I'm not," he said. "I just wanted to tell the nation that President Nixon knew that Felt wanted J. Edgar Hoover's job, so Nixon reasoned that, when he gave the job to L. Patrick Gray, Felt would try to get revenge and damage him in any way he could.

"Nixon was always paranoid about the FBI. Hell, he was paranoid about everything! But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you! In this case he was right!

"Nixon had photographs of Hoover in women's underwear, so he had Hoover under control. But he didn't have photographs of Felt. So he knew he was exposed."

Read these related stories:

Identity of Deep Throat Revealed, Porn Star is Grossed Out (1-Jun-05)

Linda Lovelace Says She Was Deep Throat to Woodward and Bernstein (1-Jun-05)

Does Anybody Want to Listen to Clinton/Dole "Point-Counterpoint" on '60 Minutes'? (12-Mar-03)

Bush Warms Up Elizabeth Dole's Campaign (30-Oct-02)

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