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Nixon Felt it Was Felt
WASHINGTON, DC Alexander Haig took center stage again this week to reveal to the nation that Richard Nixon always suspected Mark Felt of being Deep Throat.
"It's great to be back!" said Mr. Haig.
"I'm not in charge, this time. Should be, but I'm not," he said. "I just wanted to tell the nation that President Nixon knew that Felt wanted J. Edgar Hoover's job, so Nixon reasoned that, when he gave the job to L. Patrick Gray, Felt would try to get revenge and damage him in any way he could.
"Nixon was always paranoid about the FBI. Hell, he was paranoid about everything! But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you! In this case he was right!
"Nixon had photographs of Hoover in women's underwear, so he had Hoover under control. But he didn't have photographs of Felt. So he knew he was exposed."