BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JUNE 8, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Tom Cruise: "I Have Sex All Over My Holmes"
... Full story

Russell Crowe Arrested For Lousy Imitation of "Cinderella Man" Fight Scene
... Full story

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Check Into a Hotel as Mr. & Mrs. Smith
... Full story

"I Hope Paris Likes Anal Sex"
... Full story

Paris is a Vile Candidate for the 2012 Olympics. Sorry, That's "˜Ville Candidate'
... Full story

Nixon Felt it Was Felt
... Full story

Woodward: Sources Must Be Protected, To Maximize My Book Profits!
... Full story

Weather Underground Grabs Felt at Nursing Home; "Payback Time, Fascist!"
... Full story

Bush Diary - I Always Thought Deep Throat Was Robert Redford
... Full story

Californians to Almighty: "Dude, Where's My House?"
... Full story

The Return of Captain Flame: Bill Gates
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: Willie "˜n Ethel Making Love
With apologies to Willy β€˜n Ethel... Full story

Amphibo and Hugo
Comics by Hugo Ballz... Full story

Guards at Guantanamo Found Multiple Uses for the Koran

MOBILE, Alabama — Having come under heavy criticism for mishandling copies of the Koran, former guards at Guantanamo Bay have defended their actions.

"When we first encountered the Koran, we thought it was just another religious book, you know like the Bible," said one former guard who is now employed in an S&M parlor as a whip master and flagellator. "But it didn't take many of us long to realize it was much more valuable then that.

"Its pages were soft and resilient. It was really a very versatile instrument. It worked as toilet paper, muddy boot cleaner, urine spill soaker. It was even more absorbent than Depends!

"We were upset about the Newsweek story about a Koran being flushed down a toilet. The guards would never do anything like that! It was really quite innocent. One of the guys was tearing pages from a Koran to wipe himself when the Koran slipped from his hands and it fell into the toilet. He quickly retrieved it because he still had some blood to wipe from his boots from an interrogation session. I can assure you, no Koran was flushed down a toilet. Only parts of it."

Tj Irwin

Read these related stories:

Al Qaeda Prisoners Are Flown to US Naval Base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba (23-Jan-02)

Gas Cloud Envelopes Muslims at Morning Prayer (7-Dec-01)

King of Jordan Tries to Give Saudi Crown Prince Some Advice (20-Feb-02)

Arab Leaders Spell Good (3-Apr-02)

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