BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. AUGUST 10, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Whites Become Mascots for Caribbean and Native American Sports Teams

MIAMI, Florida — Various sports teams from the Caribbean and within the US will be using new names and mascots for their sports teams courtesy of a minority owned marketing company out of Miami, Florida.

The newly-named Dominican Republic baseball team, the Santo Domingo Dorks, will preview the mascot who will sport a button-down shirt and horn-rimmed glasses. He will lead the crowd in chants prior to games with rallying cries of, "SAT Prep Courses are great!" The mascot, Bob the American Clod, will then beseech the entire crowd to stand up and holler, "Churches and white bread and finished basements!"

Another baseball team, the European Geniuses from the Dominican city of Santiago, will dress up as Christopher Columbus-type explorers and open all games with the team anthem, "We're in India, right?"

Meanwhile, a similar movement has been launched in the US where Native American lacrosse teams have abandoned all Native American names and will henceforth use clever caricatures of White People to coincide with new monikers. Michael Savage will himself be designated as a team name. A costumed version of the radio ranter sporting a stupid grin will circle the playing field during lacrosse matches in Little Big Horn screaming, "Round up Multi-Culturalists!"

The Custers will be another team name. This squad will feature a General Custer shooting a cannon in the field to scatter pagan red-skinned women and children after his team scores a goal, exhorting fans to, "Circle the Station Wagons and not allow Injuns into Denny's!"

Van Gross, MD

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