BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes.
www.bongonews.com AUGUST 17, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2014 Bongo News, Inc.
   
» back issues

» search site

personal ad
of the week


best of
bongo news


sponsored links


in other news

Killen is Released: "I'm Hunting Coloreds Again!"
... Full story

Gaza Settlers Moved to Crawford, Bush Evacuated to Connecticut
... Full story

Bush Diary - Cindy She-Man is a Bad Mom!
... Full story

Paula Abdul to Mate With the Male Population of Syria
... Full story

Demi Moore's Daughters Think That Ashton Kutcher is Gross
... Full story

Photographer Shot in Ass by Britney Spears' Chewing Gum
... Full story

Creationism vs. Evolution vs. Contradictionism: The Secret Untold Story - Part II
... Full story

Slave Kitten
... Full story

Winners of the Movie Anagram Contest
Anagrams for the movie title “Pretty Persuasion”... Full story

Van Gross is Fired for Racism. Wins Award. Is Rehired.
We beg him to stop writing... Full story

All Quiet on the Western Front: George Bush
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: BC Peter Pan II
With apologies to BC... Full story

Hugo's Rash
Hugo Ballz comic strip... Full story

Admiral Stockdale Questions Peter Jennings at the Pearly Gates



HEAVEN — Recently deceased Admiral James Stockdale, who battled Alzheimer's during and after his run for the vice presidency in 1992, blew a gasket when Peter Jennings arrived at the Pearly Gates after dying of lung cancer on August 8.

Stockdale, who famously waxed existential during a vice presidential debate with the question, "Who am I and why am I here?" turned the tables on Jennings who had just arrived at the Pearly Gates, looking urbane in a trench coat and smoking a cigarette "because it doesn't matter at this point."

"Who are you and why are you here?" the Admiral said to Jennings. "I'm the naval hero who got 15 minutes on C-SPAN. You're a foreigner who reads cue cards and gets 150 consecutive hours of weeping over 97 networks and 346 cable outlets. They've elevated you to the level of a Christ figure, for Christ's sake!"

"Did I hear a giant sucking sound'?" asked a diminutive bald man as he appeared from a cloud. "If there's a problem, let's fix it."

Pulling out a chart with a graph showing the ratio of Stockdale's disappearing brain to Jenning's holey lung, the little guy said, ""It's simple. We're doin' the ol' switcheroo! Admiral, you get Jenning's brain. Mr. Canada, you get the Admiral's lung. That's what we call good ol' American ingenuity! That'll be $35,000 a piece, thank you.

"I've got a Mexican surgeon I've flown up here courtesy of my Space Shuttle, I'll give Dr. Jose here a couple of grand and pocket me a cool 68 thou. That's why we got NAFTA!

"And then courtesy of CAFTA, I'm gonna rocket the two of you back to earth to appear in commercials for my computer data centers in Honduras."

Jennings replied, "I never thought I'd be the one saying 'Houston, we have a problem.' Well Ross, we have a little switcheroo for you. You get a chance to enter the Kingdom of Heaven to explain your Medicaid computer system to the Big Guy, and we will take your flying machine and splash down near Edwards Air Force Base for some Chimichongas!"

Van Gross, MD
ADVERTISEMENT

Read these related stories:

Professor Thurgood Spanner and His Next World Radio - This Week's Interview: Thomas A. Edison (1-Oct-03)

Dan Rather Says Republican Convention Was Not News, Is Mystified by Bush Bounce (8-Sep-04)

Dan Rather Now Works on Documents at Kinko's (22-Sep-04)

NBC Names Brian Williams as News Anchor to Succeed Tom Brokaw (29-May-02)

Ad Describing Paula Zahn as "Sexy" is Pulled (16-Jan-02)




Subscribe to Bongo News


bongo recommends

bongo news
merchandise

Subscribe to Bongo News

Copyright © 2001-2014 Bongo News, Inc. | Terms of service | Privacy policy | How to advertise | About us

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

RSS Feed


Warning: fopen(cachedpages/1995.html) [function.fopen]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 248

Warning: fwrite(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 249

Warning: fclose(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 250