www.bongonews.com

AUGUST 17, 2005

» back issues

» search site

personal ad
of the week

best of
bongo news

sponsored links

Your Ad Here

Killen is Released: "I'm Hunting Coloreds Again!"
... Full story

Admiral Stockdale Questions Peter Jennings at the Pearly Gates
... Full story

Gaza Settlers Moved to Crawford, Bush Evacuated to Connecticut
... Full story

Bush Diary - Cindy She-Man is a Bad Mom!
... Full story

Paula Abdul to Mate With the Male Population of Syria
... Full story

Demi Moore's Daughters Think That Ashton Kutcher is Gross
... Full story

Photographer Shot in Ass by Britney Spears' Chewing Gum
... Full story

Creationism vs. Evolution vs. Contradictionism: The Secret Untold Story - Part II
... Full story

Slave Kitten
... Full story

Winners of the Movie Anagram Contest
Anagrams for the movie title â€œPretty Persuasionâ€... Full story

All Quiet on the Western Front: George Bush
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: BC Peter Pan II
With apologies to BC... Full story

Hugo's Rash
Hugo Ballz comic strip... Full story

Van Gross is Fired for Racism. Wins Award. Is Rehired.

Van Gross is Barred from Fruit Stands ... Korean Merchants Issue Edict to Bongo News Scribe: "Let Him Eat Vegetable" ... WASPs Pile On With "We'll Tar and Feather Him if We See Him with White Bread or White Women" ... Latinos Say, "No Mas, Gringo ... Tu Grosero" ... However, Native Americans Honor Van Gross with Scalp of Seminole-Obsessed Florida State University Sports Director ... "Make that Cracker the Mascot for Bongo News, Keemosabee", They Shout ..."

Van Gross, MD, the insane doctor with the social conscience, has been fired for racism by Bongo News. "We can't have that kind of behavior going on around here. It is immoral, it is wrong, and we are scared of losing what few advertisers we have," said the Editor.

Van Gross Wins Award

Van Gross, MD, the insane doctor with the social conscience, has been awarded the Most Prolific Writer Award by Bongo News. Here is his acceptance speech from the award dinner held in the parking lot of a Pompano Beach motel, where he demonstrated impressive head-out parking. [See his autobiographical piece entilted: Man Has Spent Life Backing Into Head-Out Parking Position]

Van Gross at Pompano Beach

"I'd like to thank the Academy and, more than anyone else, I'd like to thank my parents for bringing into this world; two crazy kids from Central Park West, struggling to eek out a living in the tiny hamlet of New York City, where now some 4 million Haitians live in $200,000 hovels as they struggle to exist, prior to launching their fraudulent personal injury lawsuits. And, of course, the staff at the online periodical that made this all possible - Emma Dubin, a woman who pistol-whipped me in a dungeon for a decade before taking a job as special assistant to Dick Cheney's groin. And then there was Mark Fisher "“ "The Fish" as he is known in literary circles - often being cheered on by editors on boats who hook him and then throw him and his word processor back into the sea. And finally, there's our Editor, or "our useful idiot" for short, propagating liberal and conservative hogwash while the world suffers the plague of international tourism. It makes me want to stand up before you and say proudly without further adieu: I am some bongo!"

Editor: I am not known as useful idiot! Anyway, you're rehired!

bongo recommends

bongo news
merchandise

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

Warning: fopen(cachedpages/2004.html) [function.fopen]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 248

Warning: fwrite(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 249

Warning: fclose(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 250