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www.bongonews.com AUGUST 24, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2014 Bongo News, Inc.
   
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God Calls on Pat Robertson to Kill Pat Robertson



VIRGINIA BEACH, Virginia — In the wake of Pat Robertson's appeal for the Bush administration to "take out" Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez, God has voiced a plea to Pat Robertson to kill Pat Robertson.

"That's it," said the Almighty to Robertson during taping of Robertson's The 700 Club. "I know I'm all-forgiving and all, but I can't hack any more of this. It's Venezuela, for Chrissake! As in South-freaking-America. When has anyone from South America been a threat? Argentina invading the Falklands? Please! They had, like, one boat and some surplus Russian smoke bombs. You need to seriously think about checking yourself into the hereafter, bub."

Although the State Department has disavowed Robertson's plea for Chavez's assassination, it remains unclear whether the Christian broadcaster will respect God the Father's request. Robertson reportedly is still irritated with God because the Heavenly Father "didn't clear out some space on the Supreme Court two years ago like I asked him to. Heck, we had a couple hundred thousand viewers praying and sending in money like crazy on that one. Made me look kinda silly."

Yesterday, Robertson also made a plea to the Bush Administration to take out fellow televangelist, Reverend Jerry Falwell.

"He needs to go," said Robertson. "Anybody that thinks the Antichrist is a Jewish male is insane. The Antichrist is a Mariachi trumpet player in Chihuahua. God will not be mocked!"

Mark Fisher
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