BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. AUGUST 24, 2005 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Bush Refuses to Meet with Cindy Sheehan's Mother in Hospital
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Karl Rove Gave Vioxx to Harry Reid, Coretta King and Cindy Sheehan's Mother
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Roberts' Writings Reveal a Sensitive, Caring Man
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Yellowcake Found in Niger!
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Bush Diary - I Won My Bike Race with Neil Armstrong!
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Creationism vs. Evolution vs. Contradictionism: The Secret Untold Story " Part III
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Angelina Jolie's Africa Diary
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Jude Law Has a Tiny Dick!
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Jersey Maker Tells Los Angeles Kings Hockey Player, Fuji, What to Do
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NFL's Violent Lawrence Phillips Becomes a Gentle Professor
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Lord Jim: Bill Clinton
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Comics We'd Like to See: BC Innuendo
With apologies to BC... Full story

Robot's Cadaver as Art
Hugo Ballz comic strip... Full story

God Calls on Pat Robertson to Kill Pat Robertson

VIRGINIA BEACH, Virginia — In the wake of Pat Robertson's appeal for the Bush administration to "take out" Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez, God has voiced a plea to Pat Robertson to kill Pat Robertson.

"That's it," said the Almighty to Robertson during taping of Robertson's The 700 Club. "I know I'm all-forgiving and all, but I can't hack any more of this. It's Venezuela, for Chrissake! As in South-freaking-America. When has anyone from South America been a threat? Argentina invading the Falklands? Please! They had, like, one boat and some surplus Russian smoke bombs. You need to seriously think about checking yourself into the hereafter, bub."

Although the State Department has disavowed Robertson's plea for Chavez's assassination, it remains unclear whether the Christian broadcaster will respect God the Father's request. Robertson reportedly is still irritated with God because the Heavenly Father "didn't clear out some space on the Supreme Court two years ago like I asked him to. Heck, we had a couple hundred thousand viewers praying and sending in money like crazy on that one. Made me look kinda silly."

Yesterday, Robertson also made a plea to the Bush Administration to take out fellow televangelist, Reverend Jerry Falwell.

"He needs to go," said Robertson. "Anybody that thinks the Antichrist is a Jewish male is insane. The Antichrist is a Mariachi trumpet player in Chihuahua. God will not be mocked!"

Mark Fisher

Read these related stories:

Pat Robertson Made a Last Minute Offer to Donate His Brain to Terri Schiavo (30-Mar-05)

Runaway Bride Turned Tricks For Rides (4-May-05)

Killen is Released: "I'm Hunting Coloreds Again!" (17-Aug-05)

Koreans Clone a Dog, Then Eat It (10-Aug-05)

Kirstie Alley Shot in London Train Station (27-Jul-05)

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