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Muppets Slaughtered After Outbreak of Big Bird Flu
SESAME STREET — Public health authorities have ordered the mass slaughter of all muppets after an apparent outbreak of the long-feared Big Bird Flu.
"We were certainly hoping that it wouldn't come to this, but we intend to work with all appropriate state and federal agencies to guarantee the safety of our livestock," said Chad Alexander, spokesman for the Children's Television Workshop.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and the Public Broadcasting System, there is no evidence that the Big Bird Flu has spread to humans, but there could be a risk associated with repeated exposures to the cuddly, endearing, and educational characters. As a result, all performances of Sesame Street on Ice and Sesame Street Live have been cancelled. In addition, Japan, Canada, and the European Union have instituted strict bans on the importation of muppet-themed DVDs, books, and children's clothing, as well as processed muppet meats. Mr. Hooper's Store, a leading purveyor of muppet-derived products, has been closed indefinitely.
