BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. APRIL 19, 2006 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Moussaoui Seeks Confirmation on That Virgins Thing
... Full story

"Ex-Generals Are Like Ex-Wives"Ł - Bush
... Full story

Massachusetts Mandates Health Care, Bush Calls in Nuclear Strike
... Full story

Mexo-Sexo, the New Craze in Illegal Alien Fashion and Lifestyle
For the undocumented caballero in you... Full story

Cheney is Booed After Pitch Goes Low and Outside
... Full story

Anderson Cooper and Dick Cheney to Star in a Gay Sitcom
... Full story

Bush Diary - See-More Herschey Bar Says I Will Nuke I-Ran
... Full story

Analysts Say That the Iranian Leader Has a Really Tiny Penis
... Full story

Muppets Slaughtered After Outbreak of Big Bird Flu
... Full story

"śRide Like the Wind' Now "śRide Like a Sardine (in a Landscaping Truck)'
IllegalsÔÇÖ folk song... Full story

Ask Dr. Sawtooth: Why is Everything I Buy Made in China?
... Full story

Planet Comics: Natalie Portman
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Hugo Ballz: Peanut Butter and Spiders
Hugo Ballz comic strip... Full story

Top 10 Rejected Ways Barry Bonds Can Improve His Image

10. "Hire a hot PR dude." - Paris H., NY, NY

9. "Just say no to performance enhancing drugs." - Nancy R., Santa Barbara, CA

8. "Go on Oprah and don't jump on her sofa." - Tom C., L.A. CA

7. "Give up your bat for a bike. There are no drugs in cycling. No matter what the labs say." - Lance A., Austin, TX

6. "Spend five months in jail, get out and do a TV show." - Martha S., Westport, CT

5. "Go into rehab, get out and do a TV show." - Whitney H., Alpharetta, GA

4. "Write a children's book." - Madonna, Ashcombe, England

3. Guest star on "Celebrity Poker Showdown." - Macauley C., NY, NY

2. "Get a kitty." - Dave L., NY, NY

1. "More steroids!" - Greg A. (Bonds' personal trainer)

For more Top 10 Rejects, see

Read these related stories:

Barry Bonds Thought Steroids Were Flaxseed Oil and Arthritis Rub (15-Dec-04)

Mark McGwire Admits to Being a Steroid from the Planet Ster (23-Mar-05)

Einstein Papers: "I Took Steroids That Made Me Smarter"Ł (10-Aug-05)

Laura Bush Admits to Using Steroids on Her Rear End (16-Mar-05)

Bush Diary - I Want the GoDaddy Girl; Texas Rangers Did Do Steroids (9-Feb-05)

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