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Zarqawi and Hussein's Sons Focus on Their 216 Virgins
BAGHDAD Sources close to Al-Zarqawi and to Uday and Qusay Hussein indicated the threesome will team up this summer as counselors at an Iraqi tennis sleep away camp. "They're defying coroners' reports the way the Muslim Nation is defying the American invaders," said Iraqi Tennis Camp Director, Al-Catgut.
The three, still decked out in face swelling make-up they got from the set of a Martin Lawrence Big Momma movie, got so excited watching the French Open the other day that they almost beheaded each other, hoping to play tennis up in heaven with their 72 virgins each. "Qusay has a mean slice on his groundstrokes," noted his brother while playfully taking a steak knife to the Al-Zarqawi anterior neck and pipe-bombing the Jordanian's umbilicus.
Al-Catgut went on to explain that his terror monger prodigies "love the Love game and plan on working hard training hundreds of Iraqi children to master tennis and shoot each other for wearing shorts." Squashing rumors that the three are in fact dead, all appeared in tennis whites today for a photo op prior to beheading most of Shiiteville, a place famous for housing a small enclave of retired Iraqis who play nothing but golf and badminton.
Although the trio was draped in white while lying in coffins, they smirked periodically to tip off the paparazzi they would be out there hitting backhands, forehands and American Twist serves in no time. Wry senses of humor pervaded the antics of the two sons and the jihadist. They were also draped in newspaper clippings with photos of Building 7 in New York collapsing, the moon landing, George Tenet announcing a slam dunk, and shots of each of them being blown to smithereens in Iraq.
"We're taking the Oath of the Tennis Court tomorrow in celebration of the French Revolution,"Ě said Al-Zarqawi with a smile. "In our never ending spin revolution, we're promising to help Bush, Condi and the gang to lob propaganda and serve up tall tales until Osama is captured around the first of November 2008."