BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. JULY 5, 2006 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
» back issues

» search site

personal ad
of the week

best of
bongo news

sponsored links

in other news

Judge Rules Warren Buffett Incompetent at Request of His Relatives
... Full story

Bush and Koizumi Make Complete Elvises of Themselves
... Full story

Bush Feels He and Elvis Were Spiritual Brothers
... Full story

Bill O'Reilly: The War On Independence Day
... Full story

President Prepares for Sleepaway Camp
... Full story

Rush Limbaugh to Star in Helen Keller Story
... Full story

Bush Diary - I Had a Happy Forth of Juleye
... Full story

New Air Force One Customized for Bush
... Full story

How Many Pakistanis Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
... Full story

Paris Hilton Really Likes New Paris Hilton Song
... Full story

Ask Dr. Sawtooth: Difficult Math Question
... Full story

Frankenstein - The Monster is Back: Karl Rove
Comic book cover by blorno... Full story

Hugo Ballz: Hector and Julio
Hugo Ballz comic strip... Full story

New York Times Leaks U.S. Nuclear Missiles' Launch Codes

NEW YORK — The New York Times has defended its leak of the launch codes to the U.S. nuclear missile system, insisting that it was right to leak this information.

"First of all, it was a secret," said Arthur Sulzberger, Jr., the pint-sized publisher who inherited his position because of his forebears, "and here at The Times we believe we have a duty to reveal government secrets so that our readers are fully informed.

"True, there was no illegality here " except on the part of the leaker, but we don't think the public needs to fully informed about his identity " and it is true that the nuclear shield has been working well as an effective deterrent. But there has been limited Congressional oversight of the launch codes " nobody on the Hill was told them " and nobody knew the secret password for internet access to the launch system. Everybody does now.

"Thirdly, it was generally known that there were secret launch codes, and a few trusted military experts knew them, so the information was out there, and therefore it wasn't really news, so there is no harm done! The fact that this non-news story was on page one may strike you as odd, if it wasn't news, but it was a slow news day that day. And what is news anyway? They say that history is written by the victors, and at The Times the news is written by us!

"Our circulation has been declining, but one bright spot has been our growing readership in the Middle East, including a very active subscription to our internet site, the subscriber reaching us by satellite phone from somewhere in the remote hills of Pakistan. We want to keep all our readers fully informed, and we need all the subscribers we can get!"

Emma Dubin

Read these related stories:

How the Sub-Editors at The New York Times Do Their Work (25-May-05)

Economy Doing Well, But Not to The New York Times (11-Jan-06)

New York Times Revises Policy on Bylines (4-Jun-03)

New York Times Wins 'Foolitzer' Prize After Reporter Found to Have Made Up Stories (14-May-03)

Time Magazine Hands Over Reporter's Notes, New York Times Stages Sit-In (6-Jul-05)

Subscribe to Bongo News

bongo recommends

bongo news

Subscribe to Bongo News

Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc. | Terms of service | Privacy policy | How to advertise | About us

The Web's Wittiest News Satire

RSS Feed

Warning: fopen(cachedpages/2629.html) [function.fopen]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 248

Warning: fwrite(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 249

Warning: fclose(): supplied argument is not a valid stream resource in /home/content/82/7940582/html/layout4.php on line 250