BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. OCTOBER 2, 2002 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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US Plans To Make A "James Bond" Car To Counter Terrorism
The US government is actually working with Detroit's big three... Full story

Alan Greenspan Receives An Honorary Knighthood From Queen Elizabeth
... Full story

Arms Inspector Meets With Saddam Hussein
... Full story

Disney Directors Question Eisner

BURBANK, CA — Walt Disney Company directors hurled some sharp questions at CEO Michael Eisner at a recent Disney board meeting, questioning him about the company's sagging performance. Mr. Eisner reportedly gave the board a spirited defense of his stewardship, and unveiled a new plan to get the company back on track.

But one director reached after the meeting was not impressed, saying "The whole thing was Mickey Mouse."

Head of Disney's Theme Parks Becomes New CEO of Gap Inc.

SAN FRANCISCO - Welcome to The Gap! After searching for four months to find a replacement for retiring chairman and CEO, Millard "Mickey" Drexler, and looking for someone who could lift its sales out of the basement, specialty apparel retailer Gap Inc. went to Tomorrowland to find the new CEO. It found him in Larry Pressler, chairman of global theme parks for Walt Disney Company. It remains to be seen whether a hospitality and amusement-rides expert can bring some Disney magic to the clothes retailer.

"In some ways, Disney theme parks are just giant retail locations," said Mr. Pressler. And in some ways they aren't, Larry.

His statement may give some clues as to his plans for The Gap. Look for turnstiles at the doors, long waiting lines, escalating prices, sticky ice cream on the floors, and kidnappings of small children.

Veritas CFO Resigns After Lie

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA - Veritas Software Corp. said Kenneth Lonchar resigned as Chief Financial Officer after the company learned he had told a lie. "He said he had an MBA from Stanford, and he didn't," said a spokesman.

Most companies would find that a blessing, but the folks at Veritas are bitter about it.

"We can't have a liar at a company whose name in Latin means 'Truth'. He should go work for Enron, which is Latin for 'Big Lie.'"

Read these related stories:

Need a Mesothelioma Attorney? (26-Dec-01)

Ken Lay Testifies Before Congress (13-Feb-02)

Playboy Magazine Wants to Photograph the Women of Enron (17-Apr-02)

Disney in Deep Pooh-Pooh Over Winnie the Pooh Royalties (6-Feb-02)

Dutch Government Launches Probe of Asshole (9-Jul-03)

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