BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. MAY 14, 2003 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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'The Matrix Reloaded' Opening Causes the Country to Go INSANE
Chaos strikes the Bongo News office... Full story

US Returns to Afghanistan After 'Fatal Attraction' Fling with Iraq
... Full story

Canada's Military Role Vital, Says US
... Full story

Freak Show in London
Liza Minnelli and David Gest get physical... Full story

Thalia Wins Latin Pop-Out-of-Your-Dress Award
... Full story

Oregon Calls for Klingon Speakers, Changes Mind
Officials want to communicate with mental patients... Full story

New York Times Wins 'Foolitzer' Prize After Reporter Found to Have Made Up Stories

NEW YORK — The New York Times, winner of more Pulitzer prizes than any other newspaper (89), can now add the Foolitzer prize to its roster of awards.

The Times was awarded the Foolitzer after publishing a four-page spread in which it castigated itself for printing at least 36 stories by a former reporter, Jayson Blair, who was forced to resign by the newspaper. The Times said that Blair had committed frequent acts of journalistic fraud while covering major news events such as the Washington area snipers case and the recuperation of Iraq prisoner-of-war, Jessica Lynch. The Times said it was a low point in its 152-year history.

The Times said that Blair used a cellphone and laptop computer to disguise his location and pretended to visit story locations that he did not, made up interviews with people, and plagiarized material from other news organizations.

"Hey, that qualifies Blair to work for us," said Arthur Ox Shittleburger, Chairman of Bongo News, Inc. and the Publisher of Bongo News. "We covered those stories, except for the Lynch one, and didn't visit those locations either." Spittlebammer added that his reporters may have made up a quote or two, but he angrily denied charges of plagiarism. "A monkey with a typewriter could eventually replicate the telephone directory," said Skittlegruber, "although the monkeys I employ haven't come close."

Stickleheimer, who has never won a Pulitzer, was clearly envious of the Times' latest journalistic achievement. "It's so unfair. All those Pulitzers and now a Foolitzer. We haven't been in business for as long as the Times, but we have tried very hard to win that award, churning out this crap week after week, and for peanuts."

Schnitzleweiner said that he occasionally accepts freelance articles, but that he checks them to weed out the true stories. "That guy Blair submitted some articles to us, but we didn't run any. They were full of errors and lies, and met all our journalistic standards, except they weren't funny."

Read these related stories:

Kraft Responds to Rising Obesity, and Says its Stock is a "Buy" (9-Jul-03)

Talk Magazine Shuts Up (23-Jan-02)

Yada Yada Yada! Talk is Cheap, But Very Expensive (16-Jan-02)

Maxim, The Men's Magazine, Gets into Bed with the Cosmo Girl (30-Jan-02)

The Beloved Sippy Cup Comes Under Attack from Speech Therapists (20-Feb-02)

Katie Couric Gets a $60 Million Contract (26-Dec-01)

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