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Bush Says Economy is Perfect: Output Up, Jobs Down



WASHINGTON , DC — With a combination of positive growth in industrial output and a continuing decline in jobs, President Bush declared that "the economy is in perfect shape, if you're a capitalist."

The nation achieved GDP growth of 3.1 percent in the second quarter, and economists have expectations for a growth rate of as much as 4.5 percent in the current quarter, fueled by deficit defense spending for the war in Iraq. Meanwhile, the labor required to achieve this economic performance continues to decline.

"My father made the mistake of not paying attention to domestic matters," said George W. Bush. "The doofus demonstrated he hadn't been to a supermarket in 20 years, and gave the impression he didn't care about domestic issues, which of course he didn't. I'm not going to make the same mistake."

"I do care about domestic issues. And that's why I'm so proud to have taken three million jobs out of the domestic economy since being elected President. That saves a lot of money for the owners of businesses. That was my secret economic plan, and it plays to my base."

"And who are the people losing their jobs?" asked Bush. "It's mostly people who don't vote for me," chortled Bush. "Andy Card told me that."
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