BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. OCTOBER 22, 2003 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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God Tells Pope and Gay Bishop to Both Continue Their Work

UNIVERSE — God has told both gay Anglican bishop-elect, Rev. Gene Robinson, and Pope John Paul II to "go forward" in their work, according to both men.

These latest heavenly conversations mark a change in God the Father's choice in chat-room partners, a group previously consisting mostly of TV evangelists, cult leaders and death-row inmates. Doubts regarding the validity of the conversations surfaced immediately.

"The Lord's spoken to me dozens of times," said 700 Club leader, the Rev. Pat Robertson. "I think I know Him pretty well, and there's no way He'd be blabbing with a homo bishop. He doesn't like Anglicans to begin with. And the Pope? Please. NOBODY understands a word he's saying. Besides, too many homo priests. God doesn't talk to homos and homo defenders."

When asked why both men would claim to be receiving career advice from the Almighty, Robertson said, "It's Satan, stupid. Just ask yourself, 'What would Satan do?' He'd tell the danged homo-lovers to keep up the good work, that's what! He'll have homo Anglican bishops lying down with homo catholic priests before you know it, and the Pope'll be babbling nonsense while trying to suck strained peas through a straw! Why am I the only one that sees this?"

The Reverend Jerry Falwell, who says he's devoting "the remainder of my life" to enacting anti-gay marriage legislation, concurs with Robertson's view that God wouldn't be talking to either the Pope or a Bishop.

"Nope, wouldn't happen. The Lord is WAY too busy helping me with my 'Mo's Can't Marry' campaign. He would've said something to me."

Pope John Paul and the Reverend Robinson join an elite group of notable humans who've jawed directly with God Almighty, including Moses, Jesus Christ, Joseph (the aforementioned's surrogate father), King Arthur, Mother Angelica, Muhammad, Oral Roberts, Sun Myung Moon, Billy Graham, David Koresh, Jim Bakker, Paul & Jan Crouch, and Idi Amin, as well as both Falwell and Robertson.

"See?" said Robertson. "A few foreigners, but no fags. The Lord steers clear of the whole fag community."

Mark Fisher

Read these related stories:

God Tells Bush Everything He is Doing is Wrong (13-Aug-03)

Cardinal Law Initiates a Young Priest (29-May-02)

Pope Summons US Cardinals to Rome to Discuss Sex Abuse (17-Apr-02)

Greek Orthodox Church is Free of Sex Scandals (5-Jun-02)

Heirs to the Italian Throne Visit the Pope (25-Dec-02)

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