Elizabeth Smart's Non-Story Beats Jessica Lynch's Non-Story
NEW YORK — In a senseless battle of dueling TV docudramas with no
substance, CBS's The Elizabeth Smart Story beat NBC's
Saving Jessica Lynch in the ratings war.
Some 15.7 million viewers preferred Elizabeth Smart's story of her
abduction by religious crazies, nothwithstanding that all the
interesting
parts about her having had sex with her abductor were omitted. Only 14.9
million viewers preferred Jessica Lynch's story of how she remembered
nothing about being taken prisoner and possibly sexually abused by her
captors in the the Iraq War.
"I must admit that I kept changing channels and flipping from one story
to
another," said one viewer who was counted twice in the ratings surveys.
"I
was intrigued that Elizabeth's story told us nothing of interest,
although
I was also fascinated that Jessica remembered nothing."
Network executives were ecstatitc at the suceess of the broadcasts.
"We never knew that we could succeed so well with nothing stories," said
one network executive. "With reality shows declining in popularity,
we've
been searching for a new formula. Now we've found it. What's so great
about it is that it's even cheaper to produce than a reality show. You
don't need a script writer, because there is no story, and you don't
need
a star. What's more, you don't have to pay very much when the subject of
the docudrama doesn't remember a thing."
After the broadcasts, Hillary Clinton contacted the networks seeking to
sell her story that she still doesn't remember how the missing Foster
files ended up in her private office. A bidding war for the rights
ensued.
