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Kentucky Fried Chicken Says Its Grease-Fried Chicken is Healthy
CHICAGO — KFC Corp. has begun to run ads on television promoting its
disgusting, greasy, fried chicken as a "healthy" food.
KFC said that each piece of its fried chicken has 19 grams of fat and 380
calories, far fewer than a Burger King Whopper, which has 43 grams of fat
and 710 calories.
"Compared with pure lard, we are a health food," said a KFC spokeswoman.
"With more and more Americans being obese, we thought it was important to
get this information to consumers so they can judge for themselves how to
make KFC part of their admittedly short expected life spans."
"Our food is healthy," she continued. "First of all, salt is not fat.
Second, we don't use real chicken but use only reconstituted, unidentified
chicken parts. Much healthier than fatty chicken breasts. And third, we
don't use real grease to fry this stuff, either. Grease is much too
expensive. We use grease leftovers from McDonald's French fries. Most of
the fat has already been absorbed by the fries, leaving only the
carcinogens, which are not fatty."
"What is more, we may be fast food, but our food is prepared by hand," the
spokeswoman added. "We use our unwashed hands to make it. It adds to the
flavor. That's how we came up with our slogan. 'finger lickin' good.' We
lick our fingers while we handle the food.
"We call our food 'fast' because you can be in and out of a KFC joint in
five minutes, including standing in line to order the food, eating, the
onset of diarrhea, and the complete evacuation of your bowels in our
restroom. Why pay for colonic irrigation when you can get one free at KFC.
That colonic thing is meant to be healthy, too."
Critics have slammed KFC for not serving leafy greens and healthy salads,
but the spokeswoman would have none of that.
"If you want a green salad, f**k off and go eat somewhere else."
