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Greenspan and Saddam Endorse Bush
WASHINGTON, DC and an UNDISCLOSED LOCATION Following the surprise endorsement of Howard Dean by Al Gore, George Bush has received surprise endorsements by Alan Greenspan and Saddam Hussein. These endorsements all but wrapped up the re-election of George Bush, demonstrating his success in the two major issues in the coming election, the economy and the Iraq war.
The endorsement by Mr. Greenspan, the Chairman of the supposedly independent Federal Reserve Board, caused a surge in financial markets. "After I heard about Gore's endorsement of Dean," said Mr. Greenspan, "I became concerned that there was the danger of irrational exuberance concerning the prospects of Howard Dean becoming President. So I felt I should bring forward and make public my endorsement for George Bush for re-election as President."
"It may have been evident to market observers," he continued, "that I have been keeping interest rates low to stimulate the economy and to assist in the financing of the war in Iraq. Many speculated that I was doing this to help the President. I felt it necessary to make my support for Mr. Bush explicit. So f**k you, Howard Dean!"
Saddam's endorsement was even more of a surprise, given that President Bush has been trying to kill or capture him for nine months, has killed his two sons, has confiscated all his palaces, and is now hiding him at an undisclosed location.
"After my trip to New York for the end of Ramadan," said Saddam, "I began to realize that I had more in common with George Bush than with the Democratic candidates. We both come from a gun culture, know the oil bidness, believe in attacking first and not taking questions later, and we both quote God a lot. We are also both obsessed with weapons of mass destruction. I did well under the father by outlasting him, so I figured I would take my chances with another four years with Bush junior."